In the self-help industry we are taught that if we just think the right thoughts, visualize the right images, and repeat positive affirmations, we can create change in our individual lives. From personal experience, I see this now as a limiting perspective and it relates to “under-understanding”.
What is under-understanding? This means that we have a personal understanding, part of which is correct, but this personal level under-estimates the greater whole – the whole that makes the difference between the desire to change and actual capability to change.
As I said in my last article, you can’t heal something that isn’t yours in the first place!
If your mother was anxious, fearful and ambivalent about being pregnant with you – you will have been “steeped” in the amniotic fluid of this emotion for 9 months – and you will likely have inherited epigenetic markers that “turn on” when your life gets stressful – and then think that your anxiety is all about “you”. But in large part (some say as much as 70%) it is not yours!
If your father had a career dream that he gave up in order to be responsible for his family, you may have inherited his deep frustration, unspoken resentment and longing for something better, and now, you carry the epigenetic markers that are impacting your own level of success when you follow your dream. How? by triggering frustration, resentment and unmet longing in you. And you can’t positive-affirm yourself out of this state of being.
In my next online line event, I will share with you what you CAN do that is easier and far more effective than the processes I describe above – I.e. self-help.
This may seem far-fetched, but recent studies (2020) are showing more and more, that these inherited mental and emotional states are indeed transferred to our offspring. I’m referring to actual markers that epigenetic scientists are locating from parent to child to grandchild that can track to certain emotional/mental conditions like anxiety, depression and hopelessness.
I will refer to these scientific findings in my upcoming event.
Without this greater perspective, the gap between desire and capability can be a deep chasm that takes years to cross.
But with this new understanding, the very thing (emotional/mental state) that has been holding you back for years, can be just a small gap that takes a short time to traverse – into an expanded new reality. And that short step can make a world of difference in our capability to shift out of inherited patterns and habits that keep repeating in our lives, holding us back from our full potential.
If this is of interest to you, I invite you to join me for my online event “Seeing the bigger picture of our family inheritance – Stepping into your full potential” on Saturday, April 17th at 10 am Central Daylight Time.
For more information, please email me at email@example.com
Happy Spring holidays to you from my heart! Whether you are celebrating Easter, Passover or simply the return of spring, this time of year offers us new possibilities to start afresh, to renew our enthusiasm for life and to plant new seeds of inspiration that will blossom into the gifts that we offer to our friends, family and the world at large.
But what if there is something that seems to thwart this process? What if our urge to shed old patterns, habits and beliefs loops back into the ‘same-old, same-old’? What if we still feel stuck or blocked or unclear about our path forward?
In my experience, this is a clear indication that you are probably dealing with a systemic cause that prevents the ‘new beginning’ opportunities in springtime from fully blossoming.
What is a systemic cause? It is an event, feeling or belief that is entangled in your family system. This means that on you can’t heal it because doesn’t belong to you. But the “stuckness”, or repetition or heavy emotion feels as if it yours, but it is not! You inherited it from someone in your family system. This why we call it a “system-ic cause.”
You cannot heal what doesn’t belong to you.
Here is an example:
I recently worked with a client to take a deeper look at some persistent frustrations and blocks. In other words, we were on the hunt to uncover her inherited family dynamics. This means we were doing a family constellation session. When something persists, despite numerous attempts to heal it, there is no doubt in my mind and in my experience as a family constellation facilitor, that these issues did not start with you!
We looked at her core trauma sentence which was: “There’s something wrong with me.” When we explored her “core language map”, we drilled down to this sentence that lives inside her and drives repeating patterns, relationship disconnects and even lingering symptoms that don’t respond to treatment. During my 4 years of family constellation training, I’ve learned to uncover this language map which provides a key to transformation.
In general, our core sentences have the potential to link to something that happened to our parents or earlier generations, and was passed on to us through “epigenetic inheritance”. This is the way that trauma and feeling-thinking patterns get passed down through the generations. (I explain the science behind this in my online events, including some very exciting breakthrough research that was published by Dr. Rachel Yehuda in November 2020).
This deep core sentence was driving at least 3 issues in her life: 1) lack of entering a new relationship after the death of her husband years ago, 2) lingering physical symptoms, 3) challenges in getting her very innovative work out into the world. Wow! That’s a lot riding on one sentence – but this is common.
When we get to the core driver behind our challenges, we can take a systemic view of the inheritance patterns that we are born into – and from here, with the full cooperation of our family system, we can untangle ourselves from this core trauma that has been repeating in our family for generations.
This entire process occurs at the level of quantum entanglement – and real-time healing happens in the Now, for our entire system.
We now know through developments in quantum physics and quantum consciousness, that we are all connected in the Knowing Field. This means that all information about our family history (the whole), is known by all the parts (the individuals). And when we bring the parts together, with dignity and respect, without blame and judgment, the parts reorganize to a greater wholeness. And things that have been lurking the shadows of the past, emerge into the light of the present, and with love and compassion for everyone in the system, we can finally let go of what was not ours to carry in the first place, and finally, fully heal.
I have seen happen in my own life and family system and in the lives of my clients over the last 4 years. When we get to the still point, the quietness in the moment of recognition and release, everyone in our family going back generations, experiences a shift of consciousness, a greater opening of heart, and a release of thoughts and beliefs that have kept the old story running, sometimes for centuries. This process is what I can a Quantum Leap in Conscious Love.
When this happens, we are no longer bound by an unconscious entanglement to keep doing, feeling and thinking in the same way as our ancestors. Before this quantum leap, we are held unconsciously by stories and experiences that happened before we were born. After, we are truly freed – and this freedom is obtained with the full blessing and support of our family system. This is what I call, “Healing with Joy.”
We no longer need to muck around in trauma and “who did what to whom,” and engage in long, repetitive processes of talking and trying many different modalities of healing. This is why I know that Family Constellation is truly a Quantum Leap into a new time. Some astrologers say that since December 2020, we are now officially in the Age of Aquarius as signaled by new ideas, innovation and deeper connections. I believe that this is why Family Constellation which offers a Systemic and Somatic healing process is taking the world by storm. The growth in this work is exponential in almost every country in the world.
Back to my client’s example. My client was the first girl in the family and so was her mother. Her mother was born in 1935, during the lead-up to World War II. Her father went off to war in the 1940s. During this time, her mother had an affair, ended up divorcing her father when he came back to the USA and marrying the new man, who did not go to war. As a result of this second marriage, my client’s mother, now about 10 years old, was sent away to live with her maternal grandparents for a time.
We were able to trace this sentence “there’s something wrong with me”, back to her mother, who must have felt this when she was sent away by her own mother, after losing her father who was no longer in the picture, with no real explanation given to her other than whispers about “war”.
This led us back a generation to her grandmother, who by all accounts, in the 1940s did something considered to be immoral by society. And undoubtedly, her grandmother must have had thoughts and feelings projected on her such as “there’s something wrong with her to do this to her husband.” And undoubtedly, this gave rise to the Grandmother’s own internal thoughts and feelings of “wrongness” based on her behavior and choices.
This feeling and core sentence most likely goes back even further to ancestors one generation back, who immigrated from England to the USA, leaving the Motherland and family members behind.
Then we proceeded to do the real work in a constellation session which is have a Quantum Conversation with her family members, ultimately giving this energy of wrongness back to her mother and grandmother, where they can now completely heal it in the world of the soul.
Again, you cannot heal what does not belong to you. But you CAN shift your perspective and see that you no longer need to carry thoughts and feelings that don’t belong to you. This simple shift frees our energy and allows us to focus on the gifts in the present, vs the unhealed trauma of the past. And this is the beauty of family constellation work.
It leaves us with a much lighter sense of taking responsibility for only what is ours, and leaving the rest with our ancestors. And our ancestors are very happy to take back what belongs to them. No family member wants to burden their offspring with inherited traumas.
When we bring our entire system into a session, we are honoring first and foremost, the strength, resilience and dignity of our ancestors. The only reason we are standing here today, is because they found a way to live and to pass on life so that we can have our lives now, in a very different time. As we fully embrace this gift, it truly opens us to a time of renewal of hope and new beginnings that for the first time, can fully bloom into our hearts and from here, into the world.
For me, this is the true meaning of Springtime and all the beautiful religious and spiritual traditions that honor the promise of a new beginning.