Ronna Prince is a filmmaker, a Certified HeartMath Coach and HeartMath Instructor and a Radical Forgiveness Coach. Join me on Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/SacredJourneyoftheHeart At the end of this article: Information and web links for my 1 hour free webinar on Navigating Change: Awareness, Acceptance and Peace
Time: Thursday, January 5th at 6:00 PM Mountain
I bet that if you think back to times in your life when something significant was ending, you had repeating thoughts running in the background of “it’s over, it’s over…” and accompanying this thought most likely would have been some feelings such as dread, fear, regret, and even incredulity. Over the years, I’ve come to recognize the emotion of incredulity as one of the greatest creativity killers of them all – because with this feeling, comes the thought: “I can’t believe it..”. And when we can’t believe something is over, it’s nearly impossible to creatively think of new beginnings. This is what causes the situation of being stuck.
So how do we get UNSTUCK?? One of the favorite parts of my film, Sacred Journey of the Heart, is recounted by Mary Morrissey. In part of a group that went to South Africa to award him the Gandhi-King Peace prize. Here is an excerpt from the film’s transcript:“I had a burning question to ask Mandela: “How did you get sentenced for life by a country and spend 27 years at hard labor. And then when you get released, you’re not only released, but you actually become President of the country that sentenced you for life. How did you do that?” He said, “When I went to prison I was an angry, bitter young man. I spent the first period of my prison years in anger and bitterness.” He kept saying, “It’s over, it’s over, it’s over.” And one day he said, “Like a drop of water on parched land, the thought emerged from my heart, –what if it’s not?” And he said, “I stayed inside that thought, what if it’s not?.. and I noticed that I started to feel differently when I thought, “well what if it’s not over?” ~ Mary Morrissey
Mary goes on to share the rest of his story of writing letters about apartheid and eventually getting released from prison. And it ends with this beautiful statement from Nelson Mandela:“The man I was who went to prison could never have been President of this country and done Truth and Reconciliation Hearings. I had to become the man that could do those things and it was a journey of heart.” ~ Nelson Mandela, as recounted by Mary Morrissey in Sacred Journey of the Heart
So, what I want to share with you is this: when you think (or know) something is over, you really only have two choices: one is to stay mired in that thought and the accompanying feelings and the other, is to ask yourself: ”what if it’s not over?” And if you chose to stay inside the “what if..” question, you will find yourself drawn deeply into a heart-based journey. A heart-based journey, as I have discovered over and over, is one of trust. It is one of acceptance. And it is one of peace. And from this place, amazing, miraculous things can and do happen!
I have had so many of these experiences in my life that I feel highly qualified to teach the “how-to’s” of creating conscious endings and new beginnings…. Or another way to say this, is that I love to teach the primary lessons of the heart: Awareness, Acceptance and Peace. My first webinar of 2017 will be on how to navigate your heart-based journey with Awareness, Acceptance and Peace. See the details below.
What if it’s NOT OVER? An example…
I’ll share with you one personal example when I caught myself in the “it’s over…” mode. I had been searching for a distribution outlet for my film after our film festival run was over in early 2015. I kept getting rejections or encountering hurdles that were too high for me to get over. When I caught myself in the “it’s over” mode, I decided to shift into the “what if..” and the “what if…”, led to the idea of reconnecting with my film editor, Scott Cervine, to see what he was doing. I thought we might kick around the idea for a sequel to the movie called “The Rest of the Journey..”, a film focused on what happens when we face deep heart-wrenching choices and unexpected outcomes from these choices.
As part of our conversation, Scott offered to talk to his friends at GaiaTV again about our film. This surprised me because we had already been rejected twice by this group. And just a few days later, I received a distribution offer from Gaia! The acquisition process with Gaia went smoothly and easily and the film is now on the perfect platform with a global audience that is creating a resurgence of interest in the film! Here are some of the fan’s comments and the first one is probably my favorite:
- A “must” see for Mr Trump!
- the real “secret”
- this was among my top favorites on this whole site….like the other reviewer said, “the real secret”….for sure!
- Loved this film filled with ancient wisdom, radical forgiveness & living from the heart.
- Thank you for this most wonderful film! We really need this living in the heart today like no other time.
- Fantastic. You know this film is truly a confirmation for me, to live from one’s heart, I finally get it on every level of my being.
- Great movie! I especially liked the part where it was talked about how projected blame outward onto others whether its government, society, etc., is just a means of ignoring what’s really going on. That the real issue is within ourselves and has to be looked at instead of projecting blame onto others. Kudos!
So, the lesson again for me was to ask the “what if” question ,while at the same time being in acceptance and peace with what was happening. And this place, the intersection point between “possibility and peace”, is where the real action is in moving forward. If you are interested in learning more about how to consciously create a new beginning, one of the major themes for 2017, please join me online on:
Time: Thursday, January 5th at 6:00 PM Mountain
Webinar Title: Navigating Change: Awareness, Acceptance and Peace
Listening method: Phone + Web Simulcast
To attend, visit:
Phone Number: (425) 440-5100
Secondary Number: (619) 471-1669
Pin Code: 339751#
9 Weeks – until the end of this 2016/“9” year, (2+0+1+6)=9
Are you ready for a New Beginning in 2017? It all depends on what you do NOW, in the last 9 weeks of this year.
I’ve been using my own Triple Heart Healing Technique all year this year – with myself and clients with great results. I’ve recently added a slight refinement that super-charges our ability to “Lighten Up” in even very challenging situations. I’ll be offering an all-new webinar on my technique on 11-10-2016:
Title: New Triple Heart Healing Technique
Date & Time: Thursday, November 10th at 5:30 PM Central
Attend by Phone:
Guest pin code: 339751#
Primary dial in number: (425) 440-5100
Secondary dial in number: (619) 471-1669
Full list of dial in Numbers:
Towards the end of each year, I like to review the year and plant the seeds for the coming new year, based on the year’s numerology themes. Numerology is simple and accurate in a general sense and can be used to help us determine themes, challenges and opportunities on personal and global levels.
If you’d like to read my quick explanation about the impact of numerology on our lives and how it works, click here for my basic explanation.
2016, a “9” year, has been about completion, love, service and power. These are important “9” themes and we can see how this is playing out on many levels. For example, in national politics, the Obama era is coming to an end. And even in baseball, one of the two division champion teams playing in the World Series, will end a long-time losing streak and become national champions!
Why is it so important to consciously finish things up this year? From a numerology perspective, if we don’t do this in 2016, a 9 year, we will drag the energy of last year into 2017 which will then set the stage for a repetition of old patterns. If we do what we can to complete things in 2016, we stage the stage for a new beginning!
Here’s the math, 2+0+1+7=10 (repetition), and 1+0=1 (new beginning).
To understand this more clearly, we can add in the archetypes of the Tarot, a modality of transformation that dates back to the 1400s and as some believe, originated much earlier in Egypt. The 10 of tarot is the Wheel of Fortune, and has a primary meaning connected with destiny or fate, including the energy of karma, duality and cause and effect. The 10 of tarot shows the wheel spinning around and a human “stuck on the wheel” of life, death and rebirth.
Contrast this with the 1 of tarot, the Magician.
The “1” is about leadership, correct use of power, and transformation.
This is a simplification of course, but on a basic level, it provides us with the major themes for next year and gives us the opportunity to set the stage to consciously get into sync with a new beginning.
This is a great time to ask yourself: What would a new beginning look like for me? First, I believe you need to know what you would like the end! Then the pathway for a new beginning can emerge clearly.
When I talk to my friends and clients about this topic, there is usually a common list of things they would like to be “done with”:
Worry, anxiety, bad habits, relationship conflicts, and lack (any and all kids – financial, emotional etc.)
When it comes down to the basics of what holds these things in place (i.e. patterns that are never-ending or repeating again and again), the root is unhealed or unexpressed emotion. Emotions are very powerful and they are connected to neural pathways in the brain that keep running, and thus get more locked into place. In order to unlock these emotions, we have to deal with them head-on and heart-open. They won’t just go away by thinking about a situation because they are locked in place, in the heart, in the brain and in your subtle energy anatomy.
Unlike a project, such as painting a room, there doesn’t seem to be an “end” to patterns that are connected with our emotional-mental states. UNLESS, we take action and implement a plan or practice a technique that is structured with a beginning, middle and end.
The process I use to consciously complete things is simple: I featured it in my film, Sacred Journey of the Heart, and it’s Dive In, Tune In and Lighten Up.
In the film, I described the process very simply:
Dive In: This means to be willing to experience our locked-down emotional states –to choose to explore what is inside and to be responsible for transforming our inner world first – rather than expecting our outer world to conform to our desires. This desire most often results in an outside-focus on other people, events of circumstances. It looks like this:
- “If only x person would change, then my life would be better.”
- “If only I had a partner in my life, then I would be happy.”
- “If only I could get a new job, then I would be happier.”
Diving in means that you are choosing to go to the place where we really can make change and create new outcomes- and that is into the inner feelings and emotions that run in the background and thus, are really running the show.
Tune In: This means that once you identify an emotional source of a repeating pattern, such as sadness about loss, fear of rejection, or resentment about past mistreatment, you must accept and love these feelings as well as the circumstances that are associated with them. Instead of “tuning out” or distracting ourselves, we have to be willing to tune IN, just for a few moments. It’s amazing how much we distract ourselves in order to avoid the momentary discomfort of acknowledging what is running in the background all the time.
Once you get comfortable with this process of tuning in, it is actually a huge relief to do this. It takes a tremendous amount of energy to ignore our inner world and a huge toll physically to keep feelings stuffed inside. I am convinced that the reason heart attack is the #1 killer for both men and women today, is because of stuffed emotions. Where do the emotions get stuffed? Pretty much anywhere in the body, but the pressure of emotional stuffing is felt in the heart. And at some point, the human heart can only hold so much of this pressure, calcified, that it eventually explodes into myocardial infarction.
I’m not saying this to scare anybody – I’m saying this to empower and encourage people to take care of themselves now. Because after a brief tune-in, the final step is to Lighten Up!
In the work that I do (below), the Lighten Up part is enjoyable, fun and sets a whole new foundation for a new beginning.
Lighten Up! This means that after we tune into the emotional root cause of old patterns, we are literally “moving” the energy from the stuck places in our hearts, minds, bodies and subtle energies. We actually feel lighter. Why? Because we are creating space for authentic happiness and a deep sense of contentment. At the end of every 3 part process, we are encouraged to let go (after tuning in), and to generate a sense of inner satisfaction and/or gratitude. It is so easy to do this that sometimes we tend to poo-poo it!
Somewhere along the line, we bought the belief that healing and transformation is hard work and takes a long time. The truth is, it’s easier than we think and all it takes is the willingness to dive in and tune in. I can guarantee, based on my experience in working with this practice, that if you take the last 9 remaining weeks of 2016 and practice this 3x a day, you WILL have an entirely new beginning in 2017!
How?? By learning a new process!
My unique, Triple Heart Healing Technique, (THHT) provides a simple, easy to learn framework that you can do anywhere and anytime! You don’t have to stop, find a quiet place to be alone or isolate yourself from the world to use this technique to move emotions and lighten up.
The THHT is meant to help us move through day-to-day life where things come up, where sometimes we get triggered on an old story, and where we simply go into an old habit by default. When we start using the THHT on a regular basis when things come up, instead of defaulting to old patterns, we stay present to our feelings in the moment and make choices based on today, and we do not fall back to old patterns of the past.
One of my clients shared this with me: “When I started using the THHT in daily interactions with my family, I was able to stay focused on what was actually going on in situations. I didn’t react to stress in the same way at all. I just tuned into my heart, let the feelings move, and then did the inner smile—the bottom line is, instead of getting stressed, I stayed balanced. I really feel like I am making better decisions and improving my heart connections with my family.”
I teach the basics of the THHT in my online webinar (see links above). I’ve added a couple refinements to the process that make it even more effective and easier to remember to use every day. I’m offering the revised webinar to share this new technique with you so you can consciously complete 2016 in a Lightened Up state! To start a new beginning in 2017 with a light-heart and a deep sense of optimism is possible for all of us.
The only requirement is the willingness to Dive-in, Tune-In and Lighten-Up!
This is a question posed near the end of my documentary film, Sacred Journey of the Heart:
Gregg Braden: “A question that comes to us again and again is how much power do we really have to influence the world? How strong is this power in the human heart?” Click here to watch film on GaiaTV
This question that Gregg asks is a fundamental one as we chose, day in and day out, how to act in the world. If we believe that our individual choices do not really matter in the larger scheme, we miss many opportunities to be agents of change. If we begin to explore and act from the amazing, verifiable power in our hearts, we not only change our own lives, but we experience the power we have to change the world around us.
I had a heart-empowered experience the last time I was at the airport. I am sharing this with you to demonstrate how each one of us has the capacity to change a situation of chaos into calm, callousness into caring and self-centeredness into service. This is needed now more than ever before.
If you fly the “friendly” skies a lot or even once in a while, you’ll notice how chaotic it’s become in airports. The stress level has increased tremendously with all the threats, the computer system breakdowns, with security procedures and even with the boarding process to get onto the planes.
Airports are way-stations for people in transit and they are wonderful places to observe human behavior. Being a certified hearth math instructor, the main reason I enjoy travelling as much as I do (about 75,000 miles a year), is that I know how to stay stress-free and choose to enjoy travel vs. dread it.
Not only that, but I know that using the present-moment awareness techniques of HeartMath, I can and regularly DO, successfully shift chaotic situations into calm ones.
Here’s what happened. I arrived 3 hours early to airport last week which is unusual for me but my transportation options made it necessary. I went into the airport with the intention to stay in heart-coherence, a measurable state that you consciously activate through a simple technique (taught in the film by Dr. Rolin McCraty of HeartMath). This state allows you to be in the flow, and to send a signal into the field around you that is calming. I also have a little prayer that I say which begins, “Make me an instrument of thy peace…” also known as the St. Francis of Assisi prayer.
Because I was so early, there was a flight that was leaving before the one I was booked on. So I thought I’d go to that gate and see if I could get a seat on the earlier flight. The gate agents had just started to board first class. There was a crowd of people, all bunched up around the boarding area and a lot of tension in the air. You can feel the anxiety and frustration many people are steeped in during the boarding process. This feeling is a result of the actual signal that is being broadcast from many people’s hearts rhythms. The question you may ask is: Is it really possible for one person to shift this? I know that the answer is “yes”.
So on that day, I stood at the back of the crowd and kept radiating gratitude and calm. Then I felt a slight tap on my shoulder. I turned and saw a beautiful young woman, about 18 years old standing next to me. She made it known very quickly that she was deaf. Then she showed me her boarding pass that had a “Zone 4” on it. She asked me with her fingers, are they boarding Zone 1, 2, 3 or 4?
Knowing the ins and outs of airline travel, I motioned to her, “follow me”. I then asked people to please step aside as I was making way for this young women to get on the plane. I knew that the gate agent would have no objection to her boarding early and getting settled into her seat. However, there was quite an outcry as we moved through the crowd of waiting people – for example: “Are you in first class?”, “Hey lady, there’s a line here” etc.
I stopped for a moment and still, sending out appreciation, said, “I’m not even on this flight, I am helping this young woman who can’t hear get onto this plane. Can you imagine being in an airport and not being able to hear the announcements?”
Everything shifted. People backed up, made a little aisle for us and even started to smile. A few people said thank you to me. And the whole energy shifted out of selfishness and the “me-first” callous attitude that can be prevalent in crowds. It changed in a few seconds to to people feeling genuinely grateful for a couple of things: that someone was helping another person, and maybe even feeling grateful for being able to hear, a sense faculty we usually take for granted.
When the young woman got to the jet bridge, she turned and gave me the heart-thanks symbol with her hands. I said thank you back to her, then ducked under the boarding-area rope, and went on my way, my heart expanding even more with gratitude that my prayer was answered and I was able to be an instrument of peace in that moment.
I encourage you to explore the power you have inside your own heart, to learn to use it to be an instrument of positive change and to live life in ever expanding gratitude.
I will be sharing the heart-math coherence technique in my upcoming webinar
Title: Creating Synchronicities
Time: Thursday, August 25th at 5:00 PM Pacific
Listening method: Phone + Web Simulcast
To attend, visit:
PLEASE EMAIL ME FOR THE EVENT PASSWORD: email@example.com
Phone Number: (425) 440-5100
Secondary Number: (619) 471-1669
Pin Code: 339751#
Below is a quick checklist for you to run through to see if you’re playing small and thereby experiencing “ROT-itis”. Rot-itis is defined as a practiced state of engaging in Repeating Old Themes. This condition is a slowly, simmering one that can eat-away at the foundation of your life purpose and mission. Engaging is the key verb, because to engage means “attract and occupy the attention of”. It is a choice to engage in old patterns!
And it is always possible to start New. Below, I’ll share what my N-E-W acronym means.
But the first step to disengage is to “Spot the ROT”.
The interesting thing about “rot” is that it usually happens under the surface and is related to water seepage that goes undetected. This is a direct analogy for what happens to us, as human beings when we don’t pay attention and take care of our emotional health and well-being. After all, most of us have had little to no education about emotions and how to effectively manage them as a key part of our lives. As an element, water is most often associated with emotions – so it doesn’t take much of a leap to see the connection with undetected rot-itis and emotional seepage!
Once you spot the rot, the next steps flow with ease, like taking off a shoe that’s giving you a blister. You don’t have to keep wearing the shoe that doesn’t fit anymore, that rubbed you raw from too much repetition! You can take it off and put on a new shoe that you choose for lasting comfort.
Pay special attention if you find yourself saying, “If it was that easy, I would have already done it!” Well, the truth is, if you responded with that comment in your head, see #2 below.
Here’ is Checklist to help you “spot the ROT” (keep track of how many of these you identify with as going on in your life):
- You wake up in the morning and you want to stay in bed 10 minutes more.
- You find yourself saying the words, “I can’t because….”
- You procrastinate on taking care of your daily responsibilities (i.e. making the bed, doing the dishes, laundry or picking up after yourself, paying the bills etc.)
- You procrastinate on the BIG stuff – (i.e. taking action to pursue your important goals)
- You indulge in negative self-talk in any form – (i.e. I’m too tired, fat, poor, unintelligent.. )
- You make excuses for not doing things –(i.e. connecting with friends, taking up that new hobby you want to do, planning your activity for the next day, week, month or year.)
- You get caught up in old family stories
- You let yourself go- (i.e. get overweight, stop working out, stop looking your best)
- You hesitate to make connections with “movers and shakers”, thinking they are too busy to engage with you.
- You settle for less.
How many of these do you do?
Here is how to score yourself:
0-2: No problem, you’re just being human and we all have a few off days.
3-4: Caution, ROT may be setting in. Take action now!
5-6: ROT is taking hold. It’s time to call in the excavators.
7+: You’ve got a serious case of ROT-itis. It’s time to learn a new skill and clear it all out!
The good news is that no matter where you are on the scale, you can easily change this by choosing to get back in charge of your life, putting yourself first and reclaiming your innate power to create your life.
I call this process establishing a “New Now”. N-E-W stands for Nurturing Emotional Well-being. When you do this, it results in a powerful feeling of renewal, empowerment and life mastery!
Here is what it looks and feels like when you are living in the New Now:
- You wake up every day and are excited to get out of bed
- You are full of creative ideas and ideas to implement them, “I am able because….”
- You take care of your daily responsibilities with appreciation and gratitude
- You take action each day to pursue your important goals
- You encourage yourself by focusing on how good it feels to be making progress
- You find ways to do things that are important to you, and catch yourself quickly if you starting putting off the fun things in life
- You spot old family stories right away, and instead of engaging and energizing them, you smile on the inside (and out!) and are grateful that they no longer control you.
- You take care of yourself and you know that true beauty is an inside job.
- You reach out and feel worthy to make a connection with anyone including the “movers and shakers”, and you realize that you too are a change-maker
- You go for it!
So what’s the easy way to shift into creating a New Now, free of ROT?
First, let me say that in coaching people as long as I have (12+years), it can happen that I find myself in a rut and then I have to create a way to get out of it! These are big self-teaching opportunities that can become the springboard for great new ideas. That’s exactly how I created my new Triple Heart Technique that very easily moves stuck energy and emotion out of the body, mind and spirit and creates room for new things to blossom.
On Saturday, April 2nd, I’m doing a video interview with Lisa Winston as part of her ongoing online summit, Life Mastery After 40. When you tune in to our talk, you will be able to see exactly how this three step works and how easy it is!
If you’d like to go even deeper into understanding the power of this easy process and how it works, you can purchase my online webinar here.
Stay tuned for more on this new, easy technique or contact me for more information now!
Quantum Math: How to Use the Equations at a Crossroadsby Ronna Prince
I’ve faced many crossroad decisions in my life, and I have to say that I’m risk taker – I don’t follow the easy path and most of all, I never give up. In fact, this is one of my favorite quotes to live by:
“Risk anything! Care no more for the opinion of others … Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth.” ~Katherine Mansfield
When facing a decision, for the most part, the opinions of others don’t really give us much guidance other than, well, their opinions.
So exactly how do we “fuel our journey”? If you’re like me, no one really taught you how to make good decisions – how to Act for yourself and Face the truth. I believe that this is the #1 reason that sometimes we find ourselves in a place we didn’t intend to be!
Growing up, I didn’t even know what truth was. In my experience, it was all relative to what I was expected to say to either, 1) cover the lies of my parents or 2) try to avoid punishment or suffering. “Tell the truth” was a loaded statement for me. While I knew what the truth was, I wasn’t allowed to speak it.
Unfortunately, that is the reality for all of us who lived with any kind of abuse- emotional, mental, sexual or spiritual. In fact, I know that one of the reasons I am passionately attracted to numerology is that it represents an “absolute truth”. Using Pythagorean numerology, the word “love” can only equal 18 and 1+8=9, the number of completion and humanity. It can’t be any other number. This appeals to me and I’ve delved deeply into numerology and use it to decode the world around me!
In learning how to make good decisions for myself, I have created a road map, or what I call Quantum Mathematics for the Soul. I use the word quantum, to mean “the smallest, indivisible particle”. This is a way of getting to the truth of something. And the truth that I’m interested in aligns with these three principles:
#1 – I will learn and grow from the experience;
#2 – I will be of service to others by connecting, communicating and caring;
#3 – I will act from authenticity and integrity, creating an inner and outer environment of peace and stability.
So my question is this: Is there a way to make decisions that will give you clear and direct feedback? For me there is, and it is a simple process of asking yourself questions that stem from these “equations”. First, I’ll share the equations, and then I’ll share an example about how to use them in making decisions.
The Quantum Mathematics for the Soul: Equations to Live by:
The 4 Basic Operations:
What I embrace, adds-
What I deny, subtracts.
What I share, multiplies-
What I horde, divides.
The Operations in Application:
What I courageously face, I empower-
What I fear, I reinforce.
What I know, I energize -
What I believe, I become.
What I accept is expanded-
What I resent is returned.
What I let go of is limitless -
What I hold on to is limited.
What I seek in abundance, is found within-
What I seek in lack, is found without.
What I examine, strengthens my Cornerstone.
What I hide from, erodes my Foundation.
When I follow my own soul, I am found
When I follow others, I become lost
What I think, draws me to an outer reality.
What I feel, aligns me with the Sacred Journey of the Heart.
The Exponential Principle:
When I Love, I tap into the Infinite Source
And through this Source, I exponentially multiply my greatest gifts:
The love, wisdom and power of my Soul.
Those are the equations or the cornerstone of what I use to ask myself questions when faced with a decision. In my years of counseling and coaching, I have encountered three major decision points with people:
1) Do I stay in my relationship or is it best to leave?
2) Do I stay in my location or move to another place?
3) Is it time for a career change or is it best to stay with what I know?
Let’s take example #1, the big relationship question. What I recommend is to take the 4 basic equations and ask yourself questions related to the operations:
Have I fully embraced the person I am with, accepting who they are, how they express themselves and understanding what is important to them, thereby adding to our life together? OR
Have I denied parts of this person, wanting them to be different than they are, seeing them as flawed, “less than” or no longer right for me, subtracting from what we were attracted to in the first place?
Have I shared my true thoughts and feelings with my significant other, revealing my true self and thereby multiplying our feelings of love, respect and dignity? OR
Have I horded my true self, keeping myself separate and apart and causing division in our goals and dreams?
From here, I go through the other “operations”, turning them into awareness of where I am truly coming from and what answers align with my three principals.
It becomes very clear that if a person answers these questions with more power and emphasis on the negative issues, he/she is dealing with a denial of what is going on within him/herself. When this is the “underlying operation”, changing the exterior, whether that’s a person, a job or a location, will not create a new outcome. I’m not suggesting that someone stays in a situation that is unbearable, but I am saying, that understanding what is really going on, deep within, will create a clear pathway to a new experience.
I’ve learned to embrace change and to be aware of the equations that expand consciousness, create more connection, and lead to deeper peace, within and without.
Remember at the crossroads, the more conscious you are of your choice, the less regret you have, and the more empowered you become!
We are not taught how to let go! No one teaches us this but everyone seems to say it from time to time: “Just let it go!” Usually our only instruction about letting go happens when we are a toddler and not sharing a toy, hanging on to it for dear life. As a consequence, the toy gets taken away and we hear about how nice children “share”. So it’s no wonder we struggle with how to actually willingly let go of something.
In today’s article, I will share with you the 2 specific things that prevent us from permanently letting go.
At some point in life, most of us find ourselves searching for resources, tools and techniques for letting go of the past or shifting a repeating pattern. My search has led me to the best experts in the self-help industry and I have tried an “alphabet soup” of supposedly proven techniques. Here are a few that I have tried, many of which I delved very deeply into: The Sedona Method, The Release Technique, EFT –Emotional Freedom Technique or “tapping”, Psych-K, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), shamanic soul retrieval, and The Healing Codes. I have also heard first-hand accounts from my clients about their experiences with many of these techniques.
The good news is that most of them work, if we work consistently with the system. But the bad news is, they only work up to a point or we stop doing it.
The key to unlocking the doorway to permanent letting go (without the “Bounce-back effect”) is to discover where the stopping point is, and “let go of the stopping”.
I have discovered exactly where the stopping point is. And it is located right inside our physiology. It is NOT, in my experience, in the non-localized mind –i.e. conscious, subconscious or unconscious or in repressed emotions.
This is exactly why all the techniques listed above work only up to a point, and tend to stop working during a big stress-related event. Why?
SPECIFIC THING #1: Because we have a biological tendency to stick with the familiar, especially in times of stress. It is wired into our physiology to reset to old patterns when we encounter an intense or prolonged challenge.
SPECIFIC THING #2: Releasing techniques rely upon only certain parts of our energy anatomy and many are dependent upon a practitioner to do something for us, to us or with us.
For example, the Sedona Method focuses on cognitive and emotional processing. Psych-K focuses on spiritual and cognitive processing with a practitioner facilitating the sessions. EFT focuses on physical, emotional and cognitive processing and can be self or practitioner led. ALL of them require a lot of time, a lot of repetition and a lot of discipline.
What happens along the way when we encounter a stressful event? Discipline is often the first thing to go out the window and then the old habit, thoughts, and feelings creep back in and we find ourselves with the weight back on, or overextended on a credit card or in a similar relationship conflict.
So what to do? I will be sharing the 2 foolproof ways that resolve the issues related to SPECIFIC THING #1 and #2. (Anybody read Dr. Suess’ Cat in the Hat? We will have fun with Thing 1 and Thing 2 in the workshop!)
When you “get” the Thing 1 and Thing 2 antidotes, it will enhance your progress with any other releasing technique and ensure that you don’t stop. And I will also share the Secret Ingredient to Letting Go: it is a specific state of being, both mental and emotional. It’s a state that is easy to cultivate and fun to be in- and it’s not acceptance or gratitude. It requires no meditation, specific breathing or any other outside tool.
The details for the May 30th online and in-person event are listed at the bottom of this article.
Before I close, I want to examine the surefire ways we know we are stuck in old patterns.
These are three signs that indicate that we are NOT yet letting go: 1) Asking “Why is this happening?” , 2) trying to act or pretend that “It’s all good”, and 3) feeling incredulous about what is happening. What does incredulous mean? “Disinclined or indisposed to believe, indicating or showing shock, surprise or disbelief.”
There is actually only one mental/emotional state where the true act of letting go happens, and again, it’s not acceptance and it’s not gratitude!
I know this because the events that occurred for me personally in 2014 led me to dive deeply into the letting go process. In the beginning of 2014, I found myself embroiled in a situation that left me feeling incredulous and asking “Why?” Mid-way through the year, I found the “missing link” to letting go and since then, I have created a very effective multi-dimensional practice to keep the process moving.
So why do issues and challenges have a tendency to bounce back? The answer is very simple – so simple we often complicate the process.
In the first half of 2014, I had been doing what a lot of my clients were reflecting back to me when they would come to my office, throw themselves into the chair opposite me and say “This (relationship conflict, being alone, not getting the job they want etc.. ) HAS TO STOP!, I’m done with it! I’ve let go of “IT”. And then the next month, the same thing would happen. It is immensely frustrating when the “IT”, keeps dragging on, like my situation did with court dates, depositions, and attorney meetings – none of that could just stop.
So what’s the simple answer? It’s found in the analogy of a rubber ball. When we throw a rubber ball at a wall, it just bounces back! It comes back with a lot of force, sometimes it even hits us. That’s what most of us do when we want to let something go. We throw it away with emphasis, force and an exclamation point! This HAS to stop! Some of us are so good at it that we have a strap on our wrist attached to the rubber ball and we don’t even know it!
But, if we learn to let the ball roll softly out of our hand, it just rolls away. It doesn’t come back.
In my workshop/webinar, I will be sharing exactly how to let IT roll away. It involves a very simple process and does not entail a ton of repetition, self monitoring or rating yourself or your feelings on a scale of 1 to 10 or on any scale for that matter!
Drivers who don’t signal to turn or who speed up when you try to pass, cigarette butts on the ground, people who carve their initials in rocks in state parks, people who cut in line… This is a short list of my pet peeves. Instead of letting these little peeves sneak up and upset me, I decided to work with them and wow! I discovered that these pet peeves can create a BIG change in my inner landscape.
But first, why ever bother to do anything about a personal peeve?
What is a pet peeve? According to Wikipedia: A pet peeve is a minor annoyance that an individual identifies as particularly annoying to himself or herself, to a greater degree than others may find it. Also, it is defined as “a thing that provokes one the most”. (Etymonline.com) The origin of the word came about in 1919, from the 14th-century word peevish, meaning “ornery or ill-tempered”.
So really, anything that provokes us to be ornery or ill-tempered has the potential to reflect on our own inner emotional landscape.
Each time we get riled up, there is a cascade of physiological reactions: our blood pressure can go up, our heart rate accelerates, and we get a dose of cortisol, the stress hormone, racing through our entire system. And, we are usually angry, annoyed and provoked about “them” doing something to “us”. And if you’ve read my HeartMath blog articles, you know that the heart signal that emanates from within, sends BIG signals to all of those around us, that translate to “stay away from this person! they are mad!” http://sacredjourneyoftheheart.com/blog/?p=163
Take a minute to write down your top 5 pet peeves before reading on. This is a fun exercise!
Now that you have your list, ask yourself, “What does each peeve really mean about what I am doing? How does it reflect on my actions and reactions?”
For example, when I discover that there’s no more toilet paper on the roll, I am capable of yelling around the house: “Am I the ONLY one who can change a toilet paper roll in this house?!” Even if my kids are not home, I can stomp around and be angry. And depending on when you discover the absence of this crucial element in the bathroom, it can be worse than just an annoyance!
Having fun with this means translating each pet peeve to a more symbolic meaning: (and there are many with the empty toilet paper roll, but I will stick with the less visceral ones…) For example, what are the “clean-up” things in my day to day activities, am I leaving undone, or expecting someone else to do for me? Oh boy! this points right to something going on right now. My PR guru is setting up a new landing page for me and I have yet to get her the two paragraphs of content for it. Somehow, I’ve been hoping she could do this little “dirty work” for me – after all, she knows what I’m trying to do!!
Another interpretation is this: it’s time to get into the crevices and around the floor boards of my home for Spring cleaning. I’d rather have someone else do it for me, but I know it is an important task for me to do myself. Taking care of my beautiful home is an important act of gratitude. Why is it important and useful to do this little exercise?
1) it frees you from petty reactivity and unnecessary physiological stress
2) when you realize that you can actually change your physiological reaction to little stressors, it is much easier to apply the principles to bigger events.
3) You stop reacting like a victim to other people’s “bad actions” and you CHOOSE to shift your behavior and emotions to a more responsible place.
4) You have more fun interacting in the world from a place of levity and light-heartedness instead of anger, judgment and blame.
Before I go through a few more examples, I want to clarify that doing this exercise does not mean that we are condoning littering, bad driving, and selfish behavior. We all have the responsibility to take action when necessary and to be considerate and caring of others. But when I look at my pet peeves from this new perspective, I am able to clearly see the reflection of places I can personally do a better job in living day to day life.
To finish up, here are some potential meanings of the other peeves I’ve listed and questions to ask yourself:
Getting mad a drivers who do no use their turn signals: In what way I am neglecting to indicate my own direction in life- with my work and relationships. Am I giving clear intentions about where I am going? Or am I being clandestine, secretive or at times, just plain clueless?
Being upset by people who speed up when I am trying to pass them on the highway: Am I supporting the people around me and honoring the pace that works best for them? Or am I judging and internally criticizing people who are trying to move forward from a place of stagnation? Is it possible that I am being pushy?
Getting annoyed with people who carve their names in rock in state parks (or anywhere else!): Am I trying hard to leave an “impression” with others? Where am I focused on me, me, me – to the exclusion of others needs and desires? Am I secretly harboring a fear that my life doesn’t matter unless I do something of permanent lasting “value”?
Being upset by people who throw cigarette butts on the ground: Where am I leaving emotional debris? Am I being responsible for my interactions with others, or am I throwing ‘buts..’ around (i.e. getting defensive) when someone points something out to me about how I could do something better.
Getting upset when someone cuts in line: Am I trying to short cut or get ahead others? Am I being considerate and patient? I am cutting someone off while they are talking to me, or allowing myself to be distracted on the phone instead of paying attention?
When you uncover the true meaning of your pet peeves, you are then able to make a commitment to yourself to be more aware, more kind, more caring and basically, more heart-centered.
I’d love to hear your pet peeves and the inner meanings you discover!
PS – guess what just happened? (Sorry if I’m getting too personal here but this is too good not to share!) I just discovered an empty toilet paper roll in the bathroom. I had a wonderful, heart-centered laugh!! AND I’m off to write my 2 paragraphs.
When our Work and our Worth get Entangled… Part 2 of Creating from the Clear Heart Series.If you’d like to learn more about the process of Creating from the Clear Heart, please email me for the code and PIN for my free webinar replay! firstname.lastname@example.org
I get about 5 to 6 emails a day from experts on some topic related to “how to change my life”. This is a result of placing a high value on growth and consciousness, spirituality and the pursuit of excellence in my personal and professional life. Because of this, I’ve signed up for lots of newsletters, telesummits and workshops over the years. Many of the emails are focused on what others think may be wrong with me and “how to fix it”! About one week into the New Year, I received this presumptuous email from a “guru” that really turned me off.
Here’s what it said: From a self-help leader: “Hi Ronna! You seem to be a little bit confused about exactly what your mission is here on planet Earth. I would like to offer a bit of help.” Wow! I didn’t think I was confused… not even a “little bit”! I know exactly why I am here and I believe that everyone knows this in their hearts. In fact, my youngest child asked me when he was 5 years old, “Mom, Why I am here?” He really meant it in the BIG way, and not related to why we were in a particular room in the house. I told him: “Why don’t you sit down and get quiet, and ask yourself this question.” He did. After about 15 seconds, he jumped up and said: “I am here to help parents and kids love each other.” As the saying goes…. From the mouths of babes oft comes great wisdom.
This leads me to Part 2 of the article I posted on 1-31-2015. My previous blog is entitled: “When Love and Control Get Confused”. The same process that I described in that article is present if someone is struggling with life purpose. Underneath this struggle, invariably is an entanglement with work and worth. When our Work and our Worth get confused or entangled, we can be assured that we are not creating from a clear heart. Instead, we are going about our work from an underlying place of fear. Or to say it another way, we are creating from a place of the head and a list of “should’s”… such as, “I should stay at the job that I dislike because I might not get a better one… I should be responsible… I should do what’s expected of me… I should play it safe and stay with the known.”
Another factor that is often “at work” in this issue is creating from a common misconception: believing that the work we do in the world, determines our worth. In the webinar on February 12th, I will share with you how I untangled from this common fallacy in 2014…. It was a challenging process, like many of life’s most important lessons. The backdrop of this lesson was that someone I trusted attempted to take everything, and I mean every “thing” that I had worked to create in my adult life. I will share what happened in 2014 during the call. And because of the sensitive nature of what I will share with you, I may not rebroadcast the webinar, so if you are interested, be sure to tune in! (see details below.)
Back to my son’s wisdom at age 5: I believe that we each have this clarity and that we don’t need someone else to help us remember what we have forgotten (if we have!) As adults, the process of remembering our purpose can be a bit more involved than it is for children who are free of mental clutter, responsibilities and obligations. But the process of tapping into profound insight is the same. But before we can “Change” or do something differently, I believe that we owe it to ourselves to STOP trying to change and first accept where we are now. However, acceptance alone is not the key ingredient. The key ingredient is understanding the purpose that is served by being exactly where we are – whether it’s financial, health, relationship, career, social connections, or just basic dissatisfaction with our lives in general.
I believe that life is all about growth. However, growth does not always lead to change. Some growth creates the wisdom to stay where we are and how we are because we see the value in what we have created. The key word here is wisdom.
In my experience, only when I quit trying to change, was lasting change really possible. In essence, I grew rather than changed. There is a big difference between these two things.
One of the first steps in my life-transition coaching, is to guide clients through a “deep dive” process into the 360 degree review I created and outlined in my film, Sacred Journey of the Heart. I came up with this process to help clients observe the clues all around them which always reflect the deeper meaning about why things are the way they are. When we take the time to actually do this, vs stop trying to change the way things are, awareness and insight bursts through and from here, lasting change is possible.
The same 3 factors I described in my previous article are at work in untangling our work from our worth. http://sacredjourneyoftheheart.com/blog/?p=236
So what impels us to grow? I’ve heard the concept of “divine discontent”. This is the idea that it is our discontent that drives us to align with a deeper heart-space and a higher spiritual purpose. According to this idea, our shortcomings lead us to change. And the desire to change is driven by unhappiness, dissatisfaction and disconnect from something essential.
In my years of coaching and counseling, I’ve discovered that trying to change from a foundation of discontent, leads to more of the same. Why? Because we are trying to create something new, from a basis of the old. It would be like trying to plant a garden in a fallow patch of earth.
My suggestion is to allow yourself to be motivated to grow by accepting and understanding where you are now. If you feel out of sync with your work, you may want to explore my Clear Heart process.
Here are some signs of an entanglement with work and worth:
- Conflicts with people at work that are distracting and disruptive
- Getting annoyed with your boss and co-workers
- Feeling exhausted at the end of the day
- Believing that you are not in the right line of work
- Trying to convince yourself that you are working at a certain job because you have to
- Believing that your work reflects upon your worthiness
The question again is: Why do we do this and accept these conditions? The answer is the same as in my previous article. Many of us grew up believing that work and worthiness are inextricably woven together. And if we believe this on any level, we then think that we need to change our work in order to change our lives.
I presented a free webinar on The Clear Heart Program on 2-12. The replay of the event is available by request: email@example.com
Happy Heart Month!
The commitment you Must make to create lasting change.
This time of year we hear all about New Year’s resolutions and how to keep them. I‘ve created resolutions and then fallen off track within the first few weeks of January. However, in making the film Sacred Journey of the Heart, I believe I’ve discovered the KEY to lasting change. And it’s not just about the heart!
So what is the key? It’s the awareness of the thought and feeling patterns that keep you stuck and disempowered. Of my list of 10 patterns below, the most important one to be aware of in relation to change, is what I call “The Motivation Zapper”. If you are truly interested in lasting transformation, I contend that no old habit can be changed and no new one implemented without ferreting out the vestiges of these learned “victim-thought-feeling” patterns. I suggest that you make ONE commitment for 2014 – to notice these patterns and to kick them to the curb! The rest of your “resolutions” will follow easily from here!
The key commitment to change
Resistance to change is very simply a vestige of learned victim habit patterns. Most of us think we don’t have these anymore but if you’ve ever found yourself wondering “how did I end up here again?”, then it’s likely that lurking in the shadows is a remnant or two of your old familiar victim self. “But I’m not a victim anymore!” I’ve said this and I’ve heard others say it, but then… look at your results. If you are not where you want to be, how about making a choice to commit to a new way of anchoring in New Year’s resolutions?
The most important commitment you can make is to be aware of the 10 patterns below and to shift them as soon as you notice them:
Change-Blocking Thought & Feeling patterns
- The motivation zapper: “I can’t because” – Powerlessness
- The procrastination syndrome: “I’ll do it later” – Resistance
- The paralyzing excuse ploy: “If only x than y” – Helplessness
- The self-styled straight-jacket: “I can’t decide” – Doubt & Indecision
- The stupefying safety zone: “I can’t figure it out” – Confusion
- The chronic apology: “I’m sorry, it’s all my fault” – Guilt
- The reverse road-block: “If only I had…” – Regret
- The anti-enthusiasm energy drain: “What if….” Worry
- The blame game: “It’s all your fault” – Resentment
- The emotional bypass: “It’s all good” or “I don’t have that problem” – Denial
The origin of the pattern
At the root of every “bad habit” or something we want to change about ourselves is a remnant of a learned behavior based on a specific thinking-feeling pattern. As a mother of 4 children, I know that we come into this world believing in limitless possibilities. Little kids believe they can do anything- fly, win every game they play, and be anything they want to be. The #1 cause of “victim-think” process is not yet instilled in them.
Over time, kids learn that they can’t do x,y,or z because of something outside of their control. Most of this is rational but a good portion is the limited paradigm that we are all subject to as we grow up. Very few of us learn the paradigm-altering reality of quantum field energetics. You know, the “observer’s expectations alter the behavior of the object”? So we learn to become limited, safe and less-than-the powerful beings we truly are.
The most common roadblock to change
Of my list of 10 patterns below, the most important one to be aware of in relation to change, is what I call “The Motivation Zapper”. This is any statement that begins with, “I can’t because….”. Language is very powerful and plays a major part in shaping our reality. When you say or think this #1 disempowering phrase, you are actually saying “I can’t Be the Cause in my own life for change.”
Whenever we feel disempowered it can bring us back to a state from our childhood when we didn’t have the ability to make choices about what we wanted to do and when we could do it. We often didn’t have choices about simple things that today we take for granted, such as when to go to bed and when to wake up, what to eat, what to wear and who we had to hug and kiss. Does anyone remember being told as a child “Go kiss your Aunt?” And the aunt had bad breath or slobbery kisses? Even when we’ve been on the path of consciousness for a long time, the chemical memories of powerlessness can sneak up on us and take us right back to this state without even noticing it.
If you commit to noticing how you use the phrase “I can’t because…” , you may discover that this Motivation Zapper is impacting small decisions as well as big ones. Noticing is the first step to change. From here, you can take the next two steps to make change permanent.
The 3 steps to shift old patterns:
1) Notice – becoming aware
2) Choose – taking action
3) Shift – anchoring the new pattern
S-H-I-F-T is my own proprietary process I teach in private sessions and workshops and it stands for “Spirit-Heart-Intelligence Foundational Technique”. It’s a simple integrative spirit-emotion-thought based process that gets at the root of resistance and anchors in permanent change.
On Wednesday, January 15 at 5 pm central standard time, I will be offering a 90 minute tele-class on how to shift each one of these 10 patterns. If you want to shift anything, you first have to know where you are on the MAP and where you want to go. The M-A-P is part of shift process I’ll be sharing on the call. The investment in this 90 minute class is only $14.99. Stay tuned on January 6th for information about how to register for this class or email me now for early bird registration at only $9.99! Yes! send me info on Early bird registration
As a preview, here’s what we shift to on our internal MAP:
OLD PATTERN NEW PATTERN
- Powerlessness Empowered
- Resistance Willingness
- Helplessness Resourceful
- Doubt Certainty
- Confusion Assuredness
- Guilt Appropriate Responsibility
- Regret Contentment
- Worry Peace
- Resentment Acceptance
- Denial Acknowledgement
I will be discussing these patterns throughout 2014 on my blog so you can stay tuned over time or join me for the SHIFT process on January 15. If you can’t make the call “live” you can listen to the recording at your convenience. When you sign up, you will receive the dial-in number and PIN.
I look forward to an empowering and life-changing 2014!
Happy New Year!