Ronna Prince is a filmmaker and coach certified in many modalities. At the end of this article, is a special offer to participate in newest, life-changing process.
We all know that we are as adults, a product of many things including the impactful influence of our family of origin. As we grow and learn more about what makes us tick, many of us strive to detangle from dysfunctional family patterns to create a more conscious, empowered life. That’s been the crux of my work over the last 15 years and I call it, “conscious soul evolution”.
About 6 months ago, I had a number of my regular clients who were experiencing one of two things: 1) being stuck and/or 2) feeling regret or resentment over the past. If you’ve read my articles over the years, you will know that I have a number of tools to help with this: past life healing, Radical Forgiveness coaching, Brain Tek to rewire the brain’s neurological patterns, HeartMath coaching to de-stress and experience calm and better decision-making. So when all of these tools combined, were not facilitating the type of change I’m used to seeing in my clients, I interpreted this as the time to expand my work.
As it always happens, I had three different people mention a modality that I wasn’t familiar with: Family Constellation (FC) work. Like Radical Forgiveness, it’s not therapy. It’s a self-help process whereby a facilitator, on in this case, a “Constellator” guides a client to his/her own awareness about a new perspective relating to a current life issue. With this synchronistic confirmation, I dove into Family Constellation work for myself first, to get an inside experience for what it’s all about.
Much to my surprise and delight, FC encompasses a bigger, more comprehensive perspective than all my other systems training provided. In FC work, we take into consideration what can be called the “Family Soul”. And the family soul operates with what FC founder Bert Hellinger calls the Laws of Love.
According to Hellinger, the first law of love is Belonging. Simply put, all members of a family soul belong. Sounds simple right? But in actuality, what most of us have experienced on some level, is one or more members of a family (and maybe even ourselves) have been excluded. This exclusion can take make forms: being labeled a “black sheep”, disinheritance, a purposeful cut-off from a problematic family member, an untimely death, a disconnect from one or both parents in early childhood, an adoption and even a miscarriage.
When a family member has been excluded, what happens is that another person in the family, usually someone from a later generation, will unconsciously align with the fate of destiny of the excluded family member and will carry out some part of the other person’s fate. Whoa!
This might sound far-fetched and unbelievable. But bear with me for a minute and I’ll see if I can explain it.
First of all, it’s important to keep in mind that this all occurs on the unconscious level. No one assigns a family member this role but it happens in order to maintain equilibrium in the family system. Secondly, it’s important to know that relationships with family members (included and excluded), continue to develop even after death! Thirdly, the family soul encompasses a lot more than just blood relatives. It consists of people we bring in through marriage or other significant long-term roles. It includes the ex-partners of our current partners, and it includes generations of our ancestors, even ones we didn’t know. The family soul also includes individuals that have been harmed by our ancestors by acts of violence, theft of a fortune or other significant events that change the destiny of someone else.
Before I had wrapped my mind around all of these concepts, I had my first family constellation process facilitated by an experienced Constellator who has been involved with FC for many years. I’ll give you a personal example of what I experienced.
The issue I wanted help on from my coach was my youngest son’s migraine headaches. Nothing we have tried over the last four years has helped him overcome this debilitating condition. (I’ve tried everything- nutrition, food allergy testing, genetic testing, chiropractic, acupuncture, biofeedback, cognitive behavioral therapy, Reiki, pharmaceutical drugs, and even surgery to ablate the nerves in his head to name a few!)
As we went through the FC process, I was asked a simple question: Did anyone in your family or your parents’ families die early or out of order? My first response was, “No, I don’t think so”. My mother passed way at age 67 but this was not considered early or out of order (like a child dying before the parents.) Then my coach asked me to breathe and go deeper. Suddenly, I remembered that my dad’s older brother, the fourth of 4 boys, had died in in 1930 at age 5 from a head injury after falling out of a tree. Five years later, in 1935, my father was born as the “replacement son”. My dad was Son number 5. He was, according to my grandmother, the son who was never supposed to leave home. I still remember how my grandmother criticized my mom in front of all of us, for taking her youngest son away from her home. After all, my Grandmother would say, “I didn’t have him at age 40 for him to leave me!!”
To make matters even more interesting, my youngest son is my 5th child. Just like my dad was the 5th son in his family. In FC, I have five children, not four, because we have to count miscarriages. My first three children’s births were followed by a miscarriage. And Thomas was my fifth pregnancy and fourth live birth.
On top of this, I had purposefully excluded my father from my life when I was age 30. This is when I realized that he was not a safe person to have around my children. So I had a very good reason to exclude him. I excluded him from my life and from my heart. And the heart-part is where the family pattern unconsciously worked its way into the next generation, my own kids.
Sometimes we have good reasons for no longer staying in touch with a family member. Addiction, aggression, abuse, etc. But the problem comes in when we also decide to exclude them from our hearts and to feel disregard for them. I had blamed my dad, even though I had forgiven him, and thereby excluded him from my heart and excluded him from my family soul. And remember? If someone is excluded, a person in a future generation will unconsciously align with the excluded one to carry out their fate.
The reality is that I loved my dad very much but over the years, I had denied that love. My dad gave me the gift of life. And we also had many fun times together. But I didn’t have the knowledge or resources to understand how important it was to make room for him in my heart and in my Family Soul.
And thus, my fifth child may have unconsciously carried a hidden loyalty to my dad and my dad’s brother who died before my dad was even born. My son’s hidden loyalty showed up in a way that seems clear to me know, after having gone through the FC process: he has suffered with an unremitting pain on one side of his head, and this physical malady, if not resolved, will make it difficult if not impossible for him to leave home!
Pretty wild isn’t it? But it makes sense. With my FC Coach’s guidance, I went through the process of detangling the hidden loyalties and having a discussion, (energetically) with all of my family members involved, including my dad’s brother, my Uncle Wesley. After this process, I felt a tremendous sense of relief. A week or so later, without saying a word to anyone, my son started to perk up. He reported that his headaches were lessening. He was sleeping better. He needed less medication.
It’s been about 2 months now but he continues to improve. That’s enough evidence for me that FC is working.
- After creating a space in her heart for her partner’s ex-wife, the ex-wife called out of the blue and invited my client to an important family event.
- Another client had experienced a strained relationship with her daughter-in-law, but started to say healing sentences (part of FC) of support and gratitude for her being part of the family. (This process was done as part of the clients work, not face to face with the daughter-in-law). A week later, unsolicited, the daughter-in-law opened up to my client and shared that she had felt anxious and unaccepted by her mother-in-law. The two ended up sharing some deep feelings and are now on a new foundation for their relationship.
- A client who had suffered miscarriages and an abortion, was having conflicts with her husband because he just didn’t seem to have the same priorities as his wife. After we brought the unborn children back into my client’s heart, she was able to see that she had unconsciously turned away from her husband. He simply didn’t know how to help her with their losses. But she could see that he deeply loves her. So she began to say healing sentences to her husband (out loud and in person), and reports that they are now closer than ever before. She no longer feels discounted by him. Order was restored in her family.
These are just a few of the experiences I’ve had myself or witnessed in others through this amazing process. FC takes consciousness to another level. It untangles us from repeating the fate of past generations and shows us how to include all of our family members in our hearts.
If you are interested in this modality, I encourage you to seek out a FC Constellator in your area. Another opportunity is that you can help me as I become certified. Your case will be confidential but I will have the guidance and mentoring of one of my teachers to help. I am offering this service to three clients only, at a cost of 50% off my regular rate, or $75/hour for our time in sessions. All that is required is that you have a willingness to explore your family history for a brief time, and to be willing to interface in a different way with your past, in order to create a more conscious, empowered life today! If you are interested, email me: Ronna@sacredjourneyoftheheart.com
If you’ve met me in person, you may never know that I have a scar on my back. I have a scar that you most likely wouldn’t see because I don’t see it either. I don’t see it, because it’s on my back and you don’t see it because of how I, (like most of us) dress – with my midriff covered. We all have scars- and most of them are hidden… but they tell us something profound about healing if we are willing to share.
My scar is just right of the midline to my spine, between Lumber Disc# 3 and Lumbar Disc #4. There are 5 lumbar discs and they start at #1 on the top and #5 at the bottom. So you can see, from the image below, that my scar transects my midsection – and if we were to draw a straight line horizontally from back to front of my body, the scar would correlate to my navel on the front of my body.
So who cares? Why would I even mention this, much less on father’s day?
Because I have come to understand, integrate, and respect what this scar means to me, and in doing so, cultivate my ability to help others to heal at the deepest level of their being.
I am not going to cite other authors or well-known people in drawing conclusions about the significance of this area of the body that transects the human midsection at the navel. Why? Because we do not need “experts” to tell us what this area means. If we are on a conscious healing path of any kind, all we have to do is to close our eyes and FEEL into this area of our body that includes our navel in the front, and the spinal area of L3/L4 in the back.
Take a moment to stop reading, breathe into this area, and feel right into where the line on the diagram below, the “lumbar curvature”, is pointing to.
When we take a moment just to feel and breathe into this space, we will sense that we are connecting to our inner fortitude, and to our connection to life itself. Oriental traditions call this area the “ lower tan t’ien” (dantien) or the Sea of Qi. It is the area of the body where Essence and Spirit are stored, regenerated and/or stagnated. This is also the area of a “hidden” chakra, or energy center in the body. It is the gold chakra,also called the HARA chakra, between the yellow and orange centers. This energy center governs our sense of worthiness and ability to generate wealth.
Indeed, as we were nourished by the umbilical connection from our mother in utero, this area of the body took in and nourished our own life force energy or QI. All our nourishment and nutrition came from our mother’s body into our fetus’ body, right at the L3/L4 area.
And this area is related to our skeletal system that supports both flexibility and strength throughout life. When we tune into this area of our body, we can discern how we feel about the nature of life itself. Is life giving, nourishing and supportive? Or do we feel that life is disappointing, scarce and competitive?
Another way to put this this is: are we supported in life, by life itself and hence by people around us, OR, are we in it alone, and other people are potentially detracting at best, or destructive at worst?
My dad did NOT cause the scar on my back between L3/L4. At least not with a direct mechanism of injury. But he did, in fact, cut me off from my life source for a number of years. He told me that I was “bad” and that I was the CAUSE of the things that were happening to me as a young child. He cut me off from my truth at a very young age.
And the interesting part, is that I am not waving the victim flag today (or any other day) by blaming him for what happened. Because, in order for him to do the things he did to me, something horrible had to have happened to him. I know that. And I also know that his behavior towards me was inexcusable on a human, father-to-daughter level.
That being said, the scar on my back that resulted from the surgery to remove the tumor that grew there at age 13, has been a hidden, but motivating force in my own life to heal. And to heal on every level of my being… from the obvious (scar), to the less obvious (scared) and into the mystical (sacred). And the gift that I have cultivated through awareness of the deepest level of healing, has been to regain the sacred connection to my own life force, QI. In doing this deep personal work, I have had the privilege of being able to guide others on their unique healing pathways to become whole once again. I have been able to help others to reconnect to their inner source of energy, QI, to Life itself.
Many people get constricted from the natural flow of life source energy, or Qi. Because this is a subtle energy anatomy disorder vs a physical anatomy condition, it can be difficult to identify. Here are the major indications of a constricted flow of Qi:
feeling tired of life (burnout), an anxious feeling in the pit of the stomach, lack of direction and focus in general, pessimism, feeling that one can never do enough or “be” enough and difficulty with the emotions of happiness, joy and peace.
In order to restore the full flow of Qi, there are specific connections that need to be made on physical, mental, emotional and spiritual levels. When this healing happens, our energy is restored and life is beautiful again. Truly! Our scars are no longer signs of our wounds, but they become proof of our strength.
So, you will not see my scar when you meet me. But now, because I have shared this with you, we will both know that it is there as a reminder of the potential and the CHOICE to heal. It reminds me each day, of the courage and dignity that I possess deep within, knowing that I have regained my QI, my life force. The point of this article is to let you know that I KNOW, … at some level, we all have scars.
My dad did not physically put my scar on my back. My dad gave me life. Then, he cut me off from my own truth. But by finding my way back from this disconnect, I reconnected to my own core. And with the gift of having healed, I now offer help to others to do the same thing. If this resonates with you, please reach out. I am here. You are not alone. email@example.com
Ronna Prince is a filmmaker, a Certified HeartMath Coach and HeartMath Instructor and a Radical Forgiveness Coach. Join me on Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/SacredJourneyoftheHeart At the end of this article: Information and web links for my 1 hour free webinar on Navigating Change: Awareness, Acceptance and Peace
Time: Thursday, January 5th at 6:00 PM Mountain
I bet that if you think back to times in your life when something significant was ending, you had repeating thoughts running in the background of “it’s over, it’s over…” and accompanying this thought most likely would have been some feelings such as dread, fear, regret, and even incredulity. Over the years, I’ve come to recognize the emotion of incredulity as one of the greatest creativity killers of them all – because with this feeling, comes the thought: “I can’t believe it..”. And when we can’t believe something is over, it’s nearly impossible to creatively think of new beginnings. This is what causes the situation of being stuck.
So how do we get UNSTUCK?? One of the favorite parts of my film, Sacred Journey of the Heart, is recounted by Mary Morrissey. In part of a group that went to South Africa to award him the Gandhi-King Peace prize. Here is an excerpt from the film’s transcript:“I had a burning question to ask Mandela: “How did you get sentenced for life by a country and spend 27 years at hard labor. And then when you get released, you’re not only released, but you actually become President of the country that sentenced you for life. How did you do that?” He said, “When I went to prison I was an angry, bitter young man. I spent the first period of my prison years in anger and bitterness.” He kept saying, “It’s over, it’s over, it’s over.” And one day he said, “Like a drop of water on parched land, the thought emerged from my heart, –what if it’s not?” And he said, “I stayed inside that thought, what if it’s not?.. and I noticed that I started to feel differently when I thought, “well what if it’s not over?” ~ Mary Morrissey
Mary goes on to share the rest of his story of writing letters about apartheid and eventually getting released from prison. And it ends with this beautiful statement from Nelson Mandela:“The man I was who went to prison could never have been President of this country and done Truth and Reconciliation Hearings. I had to become the man that could do those things and it was a journey of heart.” ~ Nelson Mandela, as recounted by Mary Morrissey in Sacred Journey of the Heart
So, what I want to share with you is this: when you think (or know) something is over, you really only have two choices: one is to stay mired in that thought and the accompanying feelings and the other, is to ask yourself: ”what if it’s not over?” And if you chose to stay inside the “what if..” question, you will find yourself drawn deeply into a heart-based journey. A heart-based journey, as I have discovered over and over, is one of trust. It is one of acceptance. And it is one of peace. And from this place, amazing, miraculous things can and do happen!
I have had so many of these experiences in my life that I feel highly qualified to teach the “how-to’s” of creating conscious endings and new beginnings…. Or another way to say this, is that I love to teach the primary lessons of the heart: Awareness, Acceptance and Peace. My first webinar of 2017 will be on how to navigate your heart-based journey with Awareness, Acceptance and Peace. See the details below.
What if it’s NOT OVER? An example…
I’ll share with you one personal example when I caught myself in the “it’s over…” mode. I had been searching for a distribution outlet for my film after our film festival run was over in early 2015. I kept getting rejections or encountering hurdles that were too high for me to get over. When I caught myself in the “it’s over” mode, I decided to shift into the “what if..” and the “what if…”, led to the idea of reconnecting with my film editor, Scott Cervine, to see what he was doing. I thought we might kick around the idea for a sequel to the movie called “The Rest of the Journey..”, a film focused on what happens when we face deep heart-wrenching choices and unexpected outcomes from these choices.
As part of our conversation, Scott offered to talk to his friends at GaiaTV again about our film. This surprised me because we had already been rejected twice by this group. And just a few days later, I received a distribution offer from Gaia! The acquisition process with Gaia went smoothly and easily and the film is now on the perfect platform with a global audience that is creating a resurgence of interest in the film! Here are some of the fan’s comments and the first one is probably my favorite:
- A “must” see for Mr Trump!
- the real “secret”
- this was among my top favorites on this whole site….like the other reviewer said, “the real secret”….for sure!
- Loved this film filled with ancient wisdom, radical forgiveness & living from the heart.
- Thank you for this most wonderful film! We really need this living in the heart today like no other time.
- Fantastic. You know this film is truly a confirmation for me, to live from one’s heart, I finally get it on every level of my being.
- Great movie! I especially liked the part where it was talked about how projected blame outward onto others whether its government, society, etc., is just a means of ignoring what’s really going on. That the real issue is within ourselves and has to be looked at instead of projecting blame onto others. Kudos!
So, the lesson again for me was to ask the “what if” question ,while at the same time being in acceptance and peace with what was happening. And this place, the intersection point between “possibility and peace”, is where the real action is in moving forward. If you are interested in learning more about how to consciously create a new beginning, one of the major themes for 2017, please join me online on:
Time: Thursday, January 5th at 6:00 PM Mountain
Webinar Title: Navigating Change: Awareness, Acceptance and Peace
Listening method: Phone + Web Simulcast
To attend, visit:
Phone Number: (425) 440-5100
Secondary Number: (619) 471-1669
Pin Code: 339751#
9 Weeks – until the end of this 2016/“9” year, (2+0+1+6)=9
Are you ready for a New Beginning in 2017? It all depends on what you do NOW, in the last 9 weeks of this year.
I’ve been using my own Triple Heart Healing Technique all year this year – with myself and clients with great results. I’ve recently added a slight refinement that super-charges our ability to “Lighten Up” in even very challenging situations. I’ll be offering an all-new webinar on my technique on 11-10-2016:
Title: New Triple Heart Healing Technique
Date & Time: Thursday, November 10th at 5:30 PM Central
Attend by Phone:
Guest pin code: 339751#
Primary dial in number: (425) 440-5100
Secondary dial in number: (619) 471-1669
Full list of dial in Numbers:
Towards the end of each year, I like to review the year and plant the seeds for the coming new year, based on the year’s numerology themes. Numerology is simple and accurate in a general sense and can be used to help us determine themes, challenges and opportunities on personal and global levels.
If you’d like to read my quick explanation about the impact of numerology on our lives and how it works, click here for my basic explanation.
2016, a “9” year, has been about completion, love, service and power. These are important “9” themes and we can see how this is playing out on many levels. For example, in national politics, the Obama era is coming to an end. And even in baseball, one of the two division champion teams playing in the World Series, will end a long-time losing streak and become national champions!
Why is it so important to consciously finish things up this year? From a numerology perspective, if we don’t do this in 2016, a 9 year, we will drag the energy of last year into 2017 which will then set the stage for a repetition of old patterns. If we do what we can to complete things in 2016, we stage the stage for a new beginning!
Here’s the math, 2+0+1+7=10 (repetition), and 1+0=1 (new beginning).
To understand this more clearly, we can add in the archetypes of the Tarot, a modality of transformation that dates back to the 1400s and as some believe, originated much earlier in Egypt. The 10 of tarot is the Wheel of Fortune, and has a primary meaning connected with destiny or fate, including the energy of karma, duality and cause and effect. The 10 of tarot shows the wheel spinning around and a human “stuck on the wheel” of life, death and rebirth.
Contrast this with the 1 of tarot, the Magician.
The “1” is about leadership, correct use of power, and transformation.
This is a simplification of course, but on a basic level, it provides us with the major themes for next year and gives us the opportunity to set the stage to consciously get into sync with a new beginning.
This is a great time to ask yourself: What would a new beginning look like for me? First, I believe you need to know what you would like the end! Then the pathway for a new beginning can emerge clearly.
When I talk to my friends and clients about this topic, there is usually a common list of things they would like to be “done with”:
Worry, anxiety, bad habits, relationship conflicts, and lack (any and all kids – financial, emotional etc.)
When it comes down to the basics of what holds these things in place (i.e. patterns that are never-ending or repeating again and again), the root is unhealed or unexpressed emotion. Emotions are very powerful and they are connected to neural pathways in the brain that keep running, and thus get more locked into place. In order to unlock these emotions, we have to deal with them head-on and heart-open. They won’t just go away by thinking about a situation because they are locked in place, in the heart, in the brain and in your subtle energy anatomy.
Unlike a project, such as painting a room, there doesn’t seem to be an “end” to patterns that are connected with our emotional-mental states. UNLESS, we take action and implement a plan or practice a technique that is structured with a beginning, middle and end.
The process I use to consciously complete things is simple: I featured it in my film, Sacred Journey of the Heart, and it’s Dive In, Tune In and Lighten Up.
In the film, I described the process very simply:
Dive In: This means to be willing to experience our locked-down emotional states –to choose to explore what is inside and to be responsible for transforming our inner world first – rather than expecting our outer world to conform to our desires. This desire most often results in an outside-focus on other people, events of circumstances. It looks like this:
- “If only x person would change, then my life would be better.”
- “If only I had a partner in my life, then I would be happy.”
- “If only I could get a new job, then I would be happier.”
Diving in means that you are choosing to go to the place where we really can make change and create new outcomes- and that is into the inner feelings and emotions that run in the background and thus, are really running the show.
Tune In: This means that once you identify an emotional source of a repeating pattern, such as sadness about loss, fear of rejection, or resentment about past mistreatment, you must accept and love these feelings as well as the circumstances that are associated with them. Instead of “tuning out” or distracting ourselves, we have to be willing to tune IN, just for a few moments. It’s amazing how much we distract ourselves in order to avoid the momentary discomfort of acknowledging what is running in the background all the time.
Once you get comfortable with this process of tuning in, it is actually a huge relief to do this. It takes a tremendous amount of energy to ignore our inner world and a huge toll physically to keep feelings stuffed inside. I am convinced that the reason heart attack is the #1 killer for both men and women today, is because of stuffed emotions. Where do the emotions get stuffed? Pretty much anywhere in the body, but the pressure of emotional stuffing is felt in the heart. And at some point, the human heart can only hold so much of this pressure, calcified, that it eventually explodes into myocardial infarction.
I’m not saying this to scare anybody – I’m saying this to empower and encourage people to take care of themselves now. Because after a brief tune-in, the final step is to Lighten Up!
In the work that I do (below), the Lighten Up part is enjoyable, fun and sets a whole new foundation for a new beginning.
Lighten Up! This means that after we tune into the emotional root cause of old patterns, we are literally “moving” the energy from the stuck places in our hearts, minds, bodies and subtle energies. We actually feel lighter. Why? Because we are creating space for authentic happiness and a deep sense of contentment. At the end of every 3 part process, we are encouraged to let go (after tuning in), and to generate a sense of inner satisfaction and/or gratitude. It is so easy to do this that sometimes we tend to poo-poo it!
Somewhere along the line, we bought the belief that healing and transformation is hard work and takes a long time. The truth is, it’s easier than we think and all it takes is the willingness to dive in and tune in. I can guarantee, based on my experience in working with this practice, that if you take the last 9 remaining weeks of 2016 and practice this 3x a day, you WILL have an entirely new beginning in 2017!
How?? By learning a new process!
My unique, Triple Heart Healing Technique, (THHT) provides a simple, easy to learn framework that you can do anywhere and anytime! You don’t have to stop, find a quiet place to be alone or isolate yourself from the world to use this technique to move emotions and lighten up.
The THHT is meant to help us move through day-to-day life where things come up, where sometimes we get triggered on an old story, and where we simply go into an old habit by default. When we start using the THHT on a regular basis when things come up, instead of defaulting to old patterns, we stay present to our feelings in the moment and make choices based on today, and we do not fall back to old patterns of the past.
One of my clients shared this with me: “When I started using the THHT in daily interactions with my family, I was able to stay focused on what was actually going on in situations. I didn’t react to stress in the same way at all. I just tuned into my heart, let the feelings move, and then did the inner smile—the bottom line is, instead of getting stressed, I stayed balanced. I really feel like I am making better decisions and improving my heart connections with my family.”
I teach the basics of the THHT in my online webinar (see links above). I’ve added a couple refinements to the process that make it even more effective and easier to remember to use every day. I’m offering the revised webinar to share this new technique with you so you can consciously complete 2016 in a Lightened Up state! To start a new beginning in 2017 with a light-heart and a deep sense of optimism is possible for all of us.
The only requirement is the willingness to Dive-in, Tune-In and Lighten-Up!
Below is a quick checklist for you to run through to see if you’re playing small and thereby experiencing “ROT-itis”. Rot-itis is defined as a practiced state of engaging in Repeating Old Themes. This condition is a slowly, simmering one that can eat-away at the foundation of your life purpose and mission. Engaging is the key verb, because to engage means “attract and occupy the attention of”. It is a choice to engage in old patterns!
And it is always possible to start New. Below, I’ll share what my N-E-W acronym means.
But the first step to disengage is to “Spot the ROT”.
The interesting thing about “rot” is that it usually happens under the surface and is related to water seepage that goes undetected. This is a direct analogy for what happens to us, as human beings when we don’t pay attention and take care of our emotional health and well-being. After all, most of us have had little to no education about emotions and how to effectively manage them as a key part of our lives. As an element, water is most often associated with emotions – so it doesn’t take much of a leap to see the connection with undetected rot-itis and emotional seepage!
Once you spot the rot, the next steps flow with ease, like taking off a shoe that’s giving you a blister. You don’t have to keep wearing the shoe that doesn’t fit anymore, that rubbed you raw from too much repetition! You can take it off and put on a new shoe that you choose for lasting comfort.
Pay special attention if you find yourself saying, “If it was that easy, I would have already done it!” Well, the truth is, if you responded with that comment in your head, see #2 below.
Here’ is Checklist to help you “spot the ROT” (keep track of how many of these you identify with as going on in your life):
- You wake up in the morning and you want to stay in bed 10 minutes more.
- You find yourself saying the words, “I can’t because….”
- You procrastinate on taking care of your daily responsibilities (i.e. making the bed, doing the dishes, laundry or picking up after yourself, paying the bills etc.)
- You procrastinate on the BIG stuff – (i.e. taking action to pursue your important goals)
- You indulge in negative self-talk in any form – (i.e. I’m too tired, fat, poor, unintelligent.. )
- You make excuses for not doing things –(i.e. connecting with friends, taking up that new hobby you want to do, planning your activity for the next day, week, month or year.)
- You get caught up in old family stories
- You let yourself go- (i.e. get overweight, stop working out, stop looking your best)
- You hesitate to make connections with “movers and shakers”, thinking they are too busy to engage with you.
- You settle for less.
How many of these do you do?
Here is how to score yourself:
0-2: No problem, you’re just being human and we all have a few off days.
3-4: Caution, ROT may be setting in. Take action now!
5-6: ROT is taking hold. It’s time to call in the excavators.
7+: You’ve got a serious case of ROT-itis. It’s time to learn a new skill and clear it all out!
The good news is that no matter where you are on the scale, you can easily change this by choosing to get back in charge of your life, putting yourself first and reclaiming your innate power to create your life.
I call this process establishing a “New Now”. N-E-W stands for Nurturing Emotional Well-being. When you do this, it results in a powerful feeling of renewal, empowerment and life mastery!
Here is what it looks and feels like when you are living in the New Now:
- You wake up every day and are excited to get out of bed
- You are full of creative ideas and ideas to implement them, “I am able because….”
- You take care of your daily responsibilities with appreciation and gratitude
- You take action each day to pursue your important goals
- You encourage yourself by focusing on how good it feels to be making progress
- You find ways to do things that are important to you, and catch yourself quickly if you starting putting off the fun things in life
- You spot old family stories right away, and instead of engaging and energizing them, you smile on the inside (and out!) and are grateful that they no longer control you.
- You take care of yourself and you know that true beauty is an inside job.
- You reach out and feel worthy to make a connection with anyone including the “movers and shakers”, and you realize that you too are a change-maker
- You go for it!
So what’s the easy way to shift into creating a New Now, free of ROT?
First, let me say that in coaching people as long as I have (12+years), it can happen that I find myself in a rut and then I have to create a way to get out of it! These are big self-teaching opportunities that can become the springboard for great new ideas. That’s exactly how I created my new Triple Heart Technique that very easily moves stuck energy and emotion out of the body, mind and spirit and creates room for new things to blossom.
On Saturday, April 2nd, I’m doing a video interview with Lisa Winston as part of her ongoing online summit, Life Mastery After 40. When you tune in to our talk, you will be able to see exactly how this three step works and how easy it is!
If you’d like to go even deeper into understanding the power of this easy process and how it works, you can purchase my online webinar here.
Stay tuned for more on this new, easy technique or contact me for more information now!
By Ronna Prince, Numerologist, Aura-soma practitioner and "Master Soul Decoder"!
At the end of each year, I spend time “decoding” the major themes of the upcoming year through numerology. One of my greatest passions is to decode the vibration and resonance of word and names to reveal the deeper meanings behind things.
Whats’ a “Master Soul Decoder?” My clients often say to me: “Wow! how did you know that?”, when all I’ve done is look at their name numerology or decoded a series of 4 or 5 numbers that they give me in the beginning of their session. These numbers are not random at all! The series of numbers my clients give me are what I call their “soul code” as it pertains to the issue they wish to explore during the session. When I look at these numbers, it always, without exception, tells me what their soul is really desiring to hear, to do, or to stop doing to make progress on their life’s journey. That’s why my clients have given me the nickname, the “Master Soul Decoder”! (If you’d like to experience the magic and confirmation of your “soul’s code”, please contact me for a Soul Codes Session. For more information, click here for my coaching website. Modern Mastery
How does it work and what can a numerology-based title do? I have been using Pythagorean numerology for years as a foundation of my coaching practice. Understanding your personal vibration through your birth name and birth date is very helpful in knowing your life’s mission and purpose. Every major project I undertake is based on the vibrational message that’s behind the title.
For example, Sacred Journey of the Heart, the title of my award-winning documentary film, equals 111 when the letters are translated to numbers. 111 is a very important triple master number that signifies the sacred trinity in all things. And 111/3 is about partnership. I created the film title based on that number. And it created a “resonant field” around it that influenced the decisions of many of my guest speakers to join the project. That’s how powerful I believe the underlying resonance of words are.
As Plato, a student of Pythagoras said
The Influence of the Calendar Date: In addition to our names and the titles of things, we are all greatly influenced by calendar dates. We are aware of what the date is and what we have scheduled day by day, often referring to our calendars and datebooks to set our schedules and remember what we’ve planned to do.
Let’s look at the numerology of 2016 and translate it into the major vibrational themes we have to work with this year. First, here is a basic chart that shows you have Pythagorean numerology translates letters to numbers. It’s very simple:
The year 2016 = 2+0+1+6=9. There are many iterations of “9″ that we can examine that will give us insights about the overall 9 theme. For example, 2+0+16 = 18. This is the most powerful and basic of the “9″ themes. When we translate the word “love”, it equals 18/9.
Love translates as: L=3; 0=6, V=4; E= 5 3+6+4+5= 18; and 18 is 1+8=9. Very simple! In my estimation, numerology is not just a little game or something interesting. It forms the vibrational foundation of everything. This aligns with the first two Universal Laws which are the Law of Vibration and the Law of Resonance.
Numerology and the first two Universal Laws: The Law of Vibration states that “Everything vibrates”. Everything moves and nothing is completely at rest. The Law of Resonance states that once expressed, a vibration will continue to resonate and impact nearby energies, creating a sympathetic and/or dissonant frequencies. These two laws are the foundation of all other Universal Laws that construct our reality. If you are interested in my online webinar, the 12 Laws of Universal Creation, click here. 12 Laws Class
So if you know the foundation of number’s frequency, you know exactly what to build upon it.
For 2016 the key words are all related to the frequency of 9. In general “9″ indicates an opportunity for humanitarian service. To me, this means doing something that will benefit all of humanity and not just the self. It is about stepping outside of our personal roles and goals, and expanding into something that is helpful to others on a larger scale. A 9 year contains the possibility of “expression of our true service in the world”.
Within this definition, there are key “9″ words:
- Expansion = 45/9
- Expression = 54/9
- Service = 36/9
- Opportunity – 63/9
- And as I’ve already shared, Love = 18/9
I have actually written out my mission statement for 2016 based on these as few other key vibrations!
Here are a few more “9″ themes: Grow= 27/9, Leader = 27/9, Inspire = 45/9, Determination = 72/9.
The Key Choices of 2016: In every year, we have a choice to make about how we will interact in the world. Last year, 2015, a year of “8″, was about the basic choice to “trust” which equals 17/8″ or to “doubt” which also equals 17/8. If you take a minute to think about last year, you will undoubtedly see how this theme played out in your life.
This year, 2016, the choice is centered around Love and power. As we’ve seen, Love = 18/9. That’s the basic energy of this year. But Power is a 32/5 word. So power itself is not a theme. But if we look at how we embody our power, the “9″ choice becomes clear.
Powerlessness = 54/9
Much, if not all of our frustrations about expressing and expanding our life’s true purpose comes from a basic feeling of powerlessness. If you are willing to fully embrace your power, from a foundation of Love, you begin to embody a different “9″ vibration:
I Embrace the Power I Am = 99! “99″ is the super “9″ master number. It’s like putting a big explanation point on the 9 and telling the universe – “I mean it!”
Even more power-full, is this statement:
I Love Being Powerful! This also = 99! Say this out loud and see how it feels. I’d never said this out loud before I decoded this phrase as being the “Master Generator” number for this 9 year!
Most of us learned to be afraid of our power when we were little. We never learned what it means to fully embody our power from the foundation love. All of my teaching in 2016 is based on the foundational vibration of “9″. My latest technique, the Triple Heart Technique, also resonates with 9. Triple Heart Technique = 108/9.
This all-new healing technique uses the power of sound through music, an awareness of our expanded energy system and a simple process for healing stuck emotions. When we do this process, it becomes very easy to move forward into this year of opportunity, expansion, expression and love!
I will leave you with some of my favorite Master 99 statements for 2016:
- Authentic Soul Embodiment = 99
- Quantum Leap in Compassion = 99
- I Love Being Powerful = 99
For more information about the Triple Heart Healing Webinar or any of the other sessions I’ve mentioned, please contact me at:
All –New Heart-Healing plus Quantum physics discovery combine to create an effective and powerful manifesting technique!On Saturday, December 5th at 10 am Central Daylight time, I will be presenting a two-hour webinar on the Triple Heart Healing Technique. (Click here or see below for details)
Have you ever made a discovery about how life operates at its most basic level that it nearly knocked your socks off? And created a big rush of tingling all over which feels like a physiological confirmation about fundamental truth?
I believe that I made this type of discovery in preparing for my recent webinar on Manifesting with the 12 Universal Laws of Consciousness. The awareness I had resulted in synthesizing a powerful, effective method for mastering our own life circumstances.
I’m calling my new method The Triple Heart Healing Technique (THHT) and it involves learning about the physiological presence and function of our two “hidden hearts”.
Once you know about this, you can then learn how to easily move stuck emotions through the mind-heart-body and thereby creating a new signal that gets broadcast into the field around you. When you do this, you then have the capacity to consciously interact at the quantum level with the Law of Assumption – the 12th of 12 Universal Laws. The Law of Assumption is the highest manifesting law and in mastering this, many new possibilities expand into reality!
The Origin of THHT:
I actually created the technique in 2008 but didn’t start using it until late 2014 because I didn’t realize the power of what this process unleashes! At first, I thought it was another nice meditation that resulted in inner calm and balance. But when I started using it with consistency and a higher level of understanding of the Laws, I began to notice that things were changing very, very quickly!
In fact, so quickly that I actually went through the 5 stages of “reality altering emotional process”! I borrow this from the Kubler-Ross 5 stage grief model. When our reality or paradigm shifts suddenly, whether it’s caused by an unexpected diagnosis or any other sudden shift of our reality, we will go through these stages.
In the Kubler-Ross model for grief, the stages are:
—-denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance
In my adapted model for the 5 stages of “positive paradigm shift”, the stages are similar at the beginning and end, but different in the middle:
—-denial, excitement, verifying, doubt and acceptance
Here’s how the process went for me and many of my clients when we combined the THHT with our awareness of the highest Universal Laws:
Denial: “The result I just experienced is related to something else” ; “This is just a coincidence”; “It can’t be this easy” (red alert: this statement can kill change before it has a chance to sink in!);
Excitement: “Wow! This really works” “I’m going to share this with everyone!” “Why didn’t anyone tell me this before?” “I can’t believe it!” (stay on the lookout for this statement because it is very negating unless you catch it quickly!)
Verifying: “I’m going to test this out on everything”; “This is working!”; “I’m going to see if my friends experience the same thing”
Doubt: This sets in when some things you are working on take a little longer (an effect that I explain in relation to the 7th Universal Law, the Law of Attraction – i.e. Why it takes longer to manifest a new love interest than a parking space!) “This isn’t working anymore!”; “This is just like everything else I’ve tried – it works for awhile and then stops”; “I don’t have time to keep this up.”
Acceptance: If you continue to use the technique and experience results and transformation, the 5th stage sets in: “I am a powerful manifestor!”; “I am so happy to be in the driver’s seat of my life now!” “I am empowered!”
The sooner we recognize this 5-stage process and have a technique to help us, the easier and faster it is to navigate. Before my discovery, I would NOT have used the word “faster” because I had an experienced-based belief that transformation takes time – a long time. I believed that true and deep transformation is related to many factors, internal and external. And that a big part of it was the repetitive and consistent practice over time of learning to master emotions.
But now I know just how fast the transformative process can be. For example, I had been searching for an explanation and a cure for a mystery illness one of my children had been struggling with for a few years. After countless and frustrating attempts to uncover what was at the root of his symptoms, the answer came in a day after we did the Triple Heart Healing Technique together! He is now in the road to regaining his health and getting on with life as a teenager.
The Key Factor:
The gist of how the technique works is based on something you probably already know. But the shift of it resides in a few things you might not yet know!
Very simply put, the underlying issue in having difficulty creating the life we desire is “inconsistent vibration”. And the inconsistent vibration is a conflict between thoughts and emotions. In other words, a conflict between your head and your heart. And because our culture emphasizes the intellect and the mind, we learn early on in life to ignore the wisdom and intuition of our hearts – and in doing so, disconnect from our most powerful energetic organ that we have!
In your mind you can think and repeat this thought: “I am Successful”
But if you truly feel: Anxiety about your current situation, Fear of not measuring up, or Shame about past failures, your heart will be broadcasting this emotion-based signal every moment!
No wonder it can be hard to change our circumstances if we don’t know HOW to access and tap into different energies to create a different outcome.
I’m sure you’ve heard the Einstein quote that says the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome. So how, exactly, do we do something different?
That’s the HOW-To that comes into play in the Triple Heart Healing Technique. We learn to tap into the hidden heart energies in our own physiology while at the same time accessing a new quantum reality….
What’s really interesting is that one of the latest theories in quantum physics provides the “how-to” of accessing expanded possibilities. So we no longer have to rely on the “old” to create something new! The latest discovery in quantum physics is upending the current understanding of Quantum Wave Mechanics- you know, the theory that we probably first encountered either in advanced science classes or in the “What the Bleep Do We Know?” film; if you saw this film you may remember the particle-wave duality that was briefly explained.
When I learned how the particle-wave duality is now understood, this was the moment that knocked my socks off! I’ve figured out how to translate this new understanding into our own lives and shift out of old patterns!
If you are interested in the intersection of science and spirituality, you may want to join me for my online webinar where I share the hidden heart energy, the quantum experiment and a step-by-step practice for manifesting a new reality! Click here to register
In the webinar, I will be covering:
The Triple Heart structure: Biology, energetics and moving stuck emotions through the hidden hearts
The 12 Chromatic Chakras – the missing link: the 5 Aquarian chakras for healing and balance
The latest quantum physics Theory and what it means for us as human beings
The Triple Heart Healing Technique: what it is, how to do it, and what to expect
If you are ready to try something totally new, based on a new process and new scientific understanding, click here to register!
Here’s what people are saying about the Triple Heart Healing Technique:
“The Triple Heart Technique is absolutely Amazing! It is so fast and so simple…when I was driving last week, I was in an emotional state that just seemed to pop up, so I pulled into a store parking lot and used it. The relief was instant. It’s such a gift. Thank You!” BH
“ I now have a sense of understanding how to manifest that makes me feel like “oh, I get this now”. You just made it more real for me! Thank you, again! I love your work!” Kathy W
“I haven’t felt such a deep sense of peace for a long time – and it only took a few minutes! No wonder I was procrastinating, there was too much mind chatter going on and now I’m calm and get on with things. Thank you!” Rhonda C
“I love how you combine DNA healing music with the triple heart… I can feel my cells changing –and have a new outlook on life!” Cheryl A
In gratitude and with blessings for a heart-centered holiday season!
We are not taught how to let go! No one teaches us this but everyone seems to say it from time to time: “Just let it go!” Usually our only instruction about letting go happens when we are a toddler and not sharing a toy, hanging on to it for dear life. As a consequence, the toy gets taken away and we hear about how nice children “share”. So it’s no wonder we struggle with how to actually willingly let go of something.
In today’s article, I will share with you the 2 specific things that prevent us from permanently letting go.
At some point in life, most of us find ourselves searching for resources, tools and techniques for letting go of the past or shifting a repeating pattern. My search has led me to the best experts in the self-help industry and I have tried an “alphabet soup” of supposedly proven techniques. Here are a few that I have tried, many of which I delved very deeply into: The Sedona Method, The Release Technique, EFT –Emotional Freedom Technique or “tapping”, Psych-K, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), shamanic soul retrieval, and The Healing Codes. I have also heard first-hand accounts from my clients about their experiences with many of these techniques.
The good news is that most of them work, if we work consistently with the system. But the bad news is, they only work up to a point or we stop doing it.
The key to unlocking the doorway to permanent letting go (without the “Bounce-back effect”) is to discover where the stopping point is, and “let go of the stopping”.
I have discovered exactly where the stopping point is. And it is located right inside our physiology. It is NOT, in my experience, in the non-localized mind –i.e. conscious, subconscious or unconscious or in repressed emotions.
This is exactly why all the techniques listed above work only up to a point, and tend to stop working during a big stress-related event. Why?
SPECIFIC THING #1: Because we have a biological tendency to stick with the familiar, especially in times of stress. It is wired into our physiology to reset to old patterns when we encounter an intense or prolonged challenge.
SPECIFIC THING #2: Releasing techniques rely upon only certain parts of our energy anatomy and many are dependent upon a practitioner to do something for us, to us or with us.
For example, the Sedona Method focuses on cognitive and emotional processing. Psych-K focuses on spiritual and cognitive processing with a practitioner facilitating the sessions. EFT focuses on physical, emotional and cognitive processing and can be self or practitioner led. ALL of them require a lot of time, a lot of repetition and a lot of discipline.
What happens along the way when we encounter a stressful event? Discipline is often the first thing to go out the window and then the old habit, thoughts, and feelings creep back in and we find ourselves with the weight back on, or overextended on a credit card or in a similar relationship conflict.
So what to do? I will be sharing the 2 foolproof ways that resolve the issues related to SPECIFIC THING #1 and #2. (Anybody read Dr. Suess’ Cat in the Hat? We will have fun with Thing 1 and Thing 2 in the workshop!)
When you “get” the Thing 1 and Thing 2 antidotes, it will enhance your progress with any other releasing technique and ensure that you don’t stop. And I will also share the Secret Ingredient to Letting Go: it is a specific state of being, both mental and emotional. It’s a state that is easy to cultivate and fun to be in- and it’s not acceptance or gratitude. It requires no meditation, specific breathing or any other outside tool.
The details for the May 30th online and in-person event are listed at the bottom of this article.
Before I close, I want to examine the surefire ways we know we are stuck in old patterns.
These are three signs that indicate that we are NOT yet letting go: 1) Asking “Why is this happening?” , 2) trying to act or pretend that “It’s all good”, and 3) feeling incredulous about what is happening. What does incredulous mean? “Disinclined or indisposed to believe, indicating or showing shock, surprise or disbelief.”
There is actually only one mental/emotional state where the true act of letting go happens, and again, it’s not acceptance and it’s not gratitude!
I know this because the events that occurred for me personally in 2014 led me to dive deeply into the letting go process. In the beginning of 2014, I found myself embroiled in a situation that left me feeling incredulous and asking “Why?” Mid-way through the year, I found the “missing link” to letting go and since then, I have created a very effective multi-dimensional practice to keep the process moving.
So why do issues and challenges have a tendency to bounce back? The answer is very simple – so simple we often complicate the process.
In the first half of 2014, I had been doing what a lot of my clients were reflecting back to me when they would come to my office, throw themselves into the chair opposite me and say “This (relationship conflict, being alone, not getting the job they want etc.. ) HAS TO STOP!, I’m done with it! I’ve let go of “IT”. And then the next month, the same thing would happen. It is immensely frustrating when the “IT”, keeps dragging on, like my situation did with court dates, depositions, and attorney meetings – none of that could just stop.
So what’s the simple answer? It’s found in the analogy of a rubber ball. When we throw a rubber ball at a wall, it just bounces back! It comes back with a lot of force, sometimes it even hits us. That’s what most of us do when we want to let something go. We throw it away with emphasis, force and an exclamation point! This HAS to stop! Some of us are so good at it that we have a strap on our wrist attached to the rubber ball and we don’t even know it!
But, if we learn to let the ball roll softly out of our hand, it just rolls away. It doesn’t come back.
In my workshop/webinar, I will be sharing exactly how to let IT roll away. It involves a very simple process and does not entail a ton of repetition, self monitoring or rating yourself or your feelings on a scale of 1 to 10 or on any scale for that matter!
Drivers who don’t signal to turn or who speed up when you try to pass, cigarette butts on the ground, people who carve their initials in rocks in state parks, people who cut in line… This is a short list of my pet peeves. Instead of letting these little peeves sneak up and upset me, I decided to work with them and wow! I discovered that these pet peeves can create a BIG change in my inner landscape.
But first, why ever bother to do anything about a personal peeve?
What is a pet peeve? According to Wikipedia: A pet peeve is a minor annoyance that an individual identifies as particularly annoying to himself or herself, to a greater degree than others may find it. Also, it is defined as “a thing that provokes one the most”. (Etymonline.com) The origin of the word came about in 1919, from the 14th-century word peevish, meaning “ornery or ill-tempered”.
So really, anything that provokes us to be ornery or ill-tempered has the potential to reflect on our own inner emotional landscape.
Each time we get riled up, there is a cascade of physiological reactions: our blood pressure can go up, our heart rate accelerates, and we get a dose of cortisol, the stress hormone, racing through our entire system. And, we are usually angry, annoyed and provoked about “them” doing something to “us”. And if you’ve read my HeartMath blog articles, you know that the heart signal that emanates from within, sends BIG signals to all of those around us, that translate to “stay away from this person! they are mad!” http://sacredjourneyoftheheart.com/blog/?p=163
Take a minute to write down your top 5 pet peeves before reading on. This is a fun exercise!
Now that you have your list, ask yourself, “What does each peeve really mean about what I am doing? How does it reflect on my actions and reactions?”
For example, when I discover that there’s no more toilet paper on the roll, I am capable of yelling around the house: “Am I the ONLY one who can change a toilet paper roll in this house?!” Even if my kids are not home, I can stomp around and be angry. And depending on when you discover the absence of this crucial element in the bathroom, it can be worse than just an annoyance!
Having fun with this means translating each pet peeve to a more symbolic meaning: (and there are many with the empty toilet paper roll, but I will stick with the less visceral ones…) For example, what are the “clean-up” things in my day to day activities, am I leaving undone, or expecting someone else to do for me? Oh boy! this points right to something going on right now. My PR guru is setting up a new landing page for me and I have yet to get her the two paragraphs of content for it. Somehow, I’ve been hoping she could do this little “dirty work” for me – after all, she knows what I’m trying to do!!
Another interpretation is this: it’s time to get into the crevices and around the floor boards of my home for Spring cleaning. I’d rather have someone else do it for me, but I know it is an important task for me to do myself. Taking care of my beautiful home is an important act of gratitude. Why is it important and useful to do this little exercise?
1) it frees you from petty reactivity and unnecessary physiological stress
2) when you realize that you can actually change your physiological reaction to little stressors, it is much easier to apply the principles to bigger events.
3) You stop reacting like a victim to other people’s “bad actions” and you CHOOSE to shift your behavior and emotions to a more responsible place.
4) You have more fun interacting in the world from a place of levity and light-heartedness instead of anger, judgment and blame.
Before I go through a few more examples, I want to clarify that doing this exercise does not mean that we are condoning littering, bad driving, and selfish behavior. We all have the responsibility to take action when necessary and to be considerate and caring of others. But when I look at my pet peeves from this new perspective, I am able to clearly see the reflection of places I can personally do a better job in living day to day life.
To finish up, here are some potential meanings of the other peeves I’ve listed and questions to ask yourself:
Getting mad a drivers who do no use their turn signals: In what way I am neglecting to indicate my own direction in life- with my work and relationships. Am I giving clear intentions about where I am going? Or am I being clandestine, secretive or at times, just plain clueless?
Being upset by people who speed up when I am trying to pass them on the highway: Am I supporting the people around me and honoring the pace that works best for them? Or am I judging and internally criticizing people who are trying to move forward from a place of stagnation? Is it possible that I am being pushy?
Getting annoyed with people who carve their names in rock in state parks (or anywhere else!): Am I trying hard to leave an “impression” with others? Where am I focused on me, me, me – to the exclusion of others needs and desires? Am I secretly harboring a fear that my life doesn’t matter unless I do something of permanent lasting “value”?
Being upset by people who throw cigarette butts on the ground: Where am I leaving emotional debris? Am I being responsible for my interactions with others, or am I throwing ‘buts..’ around (i.e. getting defensive) when someone points something out to me about how I could do something better.
Getting upset when someone cuts in line: Am I trying to short cut or get ahead others? Am I being considerate and patient? I am cutting someone off while they are talking to me, or allowing myself to be distracted on the phone instead of paying attention?
When you uncover the true meaning of your pet peeves, you are then able to make a commitment to yourself to be more aware, more kind, more caring and basically, more heart-centered.
I’d love to hear your pet peeves and the inner meanings you discover!
PS – guess what just happened? (Sorry if I’m getting too personal here but this is too good not to share!) I just discovered an empty toilet paper roll in the bathroom. I had a wonderful, heart-centered laugh!! AND I’m off to write my 2 paragraphs.
Have you ever gotten to the end of the day and thrown yourself on the couch and wondered “What did I do today? How did the day go by so fast?” This is a hallmark statement of an over-busy life. I’ve had a few of those recently. And it was as if the universe had honed in on this issue for me when I received a slew of emails from people that started, “I know how super-busy you are but…. “
This gave me a pause. One that I was over-due in taking! Because I had gotten into a whirlwind of activity, some of it creative, some of it habit-driven multi-tasking and some of it related to an old avoidance pattern.
When I started looking into the issue, I came across this interesting chart:
This poll from yougov.com shows that 59% of people being polled consider themselves to be busy and over 1/3 of the people polled felt guilty or anxious if they were not busy! Uh-oh! When I got honest with myself, I had to admit that I can easily slip into the feeling of “not-enough” if I really slow down! So underneath a lot of busy-ness, can be feelings of unworthiness or the desire for perfectionism. That’s what I’m referring to when I mention an old avoidance pattern.
If we have some vestiges of unworthiness or perfectionism, they will tend to crop their heads up from time to time when we start slipping into busy-ness.
Obviously, keeping busy then becomes a defense pattern to avoid these feelings and being not-busy results in guilt and anxiety! And it’s true, guilt feels like a shadow on the heart- this is not a clear heart at all!
So rather than diving in to change my busy-pattern right away, I took my own advice from my last blog (“When not to change your life…. Now), and just observed myself for a few days. But the more I observed myself in my over-busy-ness, the more I slowed down naturally, remembering to breath more consciously, to pay attention to what I was doing, and to enjoy the little things in life.
I also realized my upbringing with a strong mid-western work ethic had caught up with me again. Don’t get me wrong, having a good work ethic is important but some of us got a big dose of guilt with the message. My grandparents were farmers and spent long days working in the fields. When we wanted to laze about on the weekends, we always got a lecture about some aspect of the value of work, sometimes peppered with words like “good-for-nothing” and “low-down lazy dogs” to describe people who didn’t work hard enough.
Guilt and Fear mixed all together: Snakes in the field:
The summer that I was 13 years old, my parents decided we needed to spend some time working on our grandparent’s farm in Wyoming in order to learn the value of work. So my 15 year old sister and I would get dropped off in the beet fields at 6 am to hoe weeds all morning. This was in the days before cell phones. The only problem was that the beet fields were filled with rattlesnakes because it was such a dry season that year. We finally got out of our weeding job after I nearly sat on a baby rattlesnake next to the irrigation ditch!
We spent the rest of the summer painting outbuildings. It seemed that whatever we did, someone else was always working longer and harder than us, so my sister and I would find ways to goof off while no one was looking! A few times we got caught up and received a dose of “lazy kid” guilt. I’m sure a lot of you have had similar experiences.
The key thing today, is this pattern of guilt for being not-busy will drive periodic times of over busy-ness. The first step then, is bringing it up to consciousness again~
Banish Guilt- Create from a Clear Heart!
This is the way “Creating from a Clear Heart” program works. The first step is being conscious and the rest of the steps flow from here.
The steps of the Clear Heart process are:
C- Conscious – Choosing to bring consciousness to a situation or emotion
L- Light Heartedness – Learning to cultivate and activate a sense of light-heartedness
E- Empowerment – Emancipating old patterns and habits by taking empowered action
A – Appreciation – Acknowledging your appreciation for what is occurring
R- Responsible – Restoring appropriate balance between heart/brain resulting in responsible thoughts, feelings and actions
In the recorded broadcast of the Clear Heart Program, I discussed the 90/10 and 10/90 equation relationship between the heart and the brain. An optimal energy equation is 90% heart/ 10% brain. As I described in the webinar, this equation correlates to our physiology where 90% of the signals through our vagus nerve travel UP from the heart to the brain and only 10% of the signals go DOWN from brain to heart.
Out of stress and over-busy-ness, most of us are operating energetically in the inverse 0r 10% heart and 90% brain.
When we learn how to correct this imbalance, we can easily choose to slow-down our pace and our breathing. We then end up being more present and flowing and capable of amping-up life’s pleasures in all things! And we easily let go of old feelings from the past that related to unworthiness and the drive to perfectionism.
For example, writing this article could be stressful and feel like “work I HAVE to do”. But I am experiencing it as a flowing, easy energy grounded in appreciation and enjoyment.
So in this way, I am not busy, I am present and enjoying what I am doing this very moment. Likewise, with my work with clients, I am not busy when I am present in a session. I am focused on being present and I am appreciating the privilege of connecting with another person’s heart, hopes, challenges and dreams.
To schedule a Clear Heart Session with me or to view the rebroadcast of The Clear Heart Program, contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org