When to stop trying to change your life….now

When our Work and our Worth get Entangled… Part 2 of Creating from the Clear Heart Series.

I get about 5 to 6 emails a day from experts on some topic related to “how to change my life”. This is a result of placing a high value on growth and consciousness, spirituality and the pursuit of excellence in my personal and professional life. Because of this, I’ve signed up for lots of newsletters, telesummits and workshops over the years. Many of the emails are focused on what others think may be wrong with me and “how to fix it”! About one week into the New Year, I received this presumptuous email from a “guru” that really turned me off.

Here’s what it said: From a self-help leader: “Hi Ronna! You seem to be a little bit confused about exactly what your mission is here on planet Earth.  I would like to offer a bit of help.” Wow! I didn’t think I was confused… not even a “little bit”! I know exactly why I am here and I believe that everyone knows this in their hearts. In fact, my youngest child asked me when he was 5 years old, “Mom, Why I am here?” He really meant it in the BIG way, and not related to why we were in a particular room in the house.  I told him: “Why don’t you sit down and get quiet, and ask yourself this question.” He did. After about 15 seconds, he jumped up and said: “I am here to help parents and kids love each other.”  As the saying goes…. From the mouths of babes oft comes great wisdom.

This leads me to Part 2 of the article I posted on 1-31-2015. My previous blog is entitled: “When Love and Control Get Confused”. The same process that I described in that article is present if someone is struggling with life purpose. Underneath this struggle, invariably is an entanglement with work and worth. When our Work and our Worth get confused or entangled, we can be assured that we are not creating from a clear heart. Instead, we are going about our work from an underlying place of fear. Or to say it another way, we are creating from a place of the head and a list of “should’s”… such as, “I should stay at the job that I dislike because I might not get a better one… I should be responsible… I should do what’s expected of me… I should play it safe and stay with the known.”

Another factor that is often “at work” in this issue is creating from a common misconception:  believing that the work we do in the world, determines our worth.  In the webinar on February 12^th, I will share with you how I untangled from this common fallacy in 2014…. It was a challenging process, like many of life’s most important lessons. The backdrop of this lesson was that someone I trusted attempted to take everything, and I mean every “thing” that I had worked to create in my adult life. I will share what happened in 2014 during the call. And because of the sensitive nature of what I will share with you, I may not rebroadcast the webinar, so if you are interested, be sure to tune in! (see details below.)

Back to my son’s wisdom at age 5: I believe that we each have this clarity and that we don’t need someone else to help us remember what we have forgotten (if we have!) As adults, the process of remembering our purpose can be a bit more involved than it is for children who are free of mental clutter, responsibilities and obligations. But the process of tapping into profound insight is the same. But before we can “Change” or do something differently, I believe that we owe it to ourselves to STOP trying to change and first accept where we are now. However, acceptance alone is not the key ingredient. The key ingredient is understanding the purpose that is served by being exactly where we are – whether it’s financial, health, relationship, career, social connections, or just basic dissatisfaction with our lives in general.

Growth not change

I believe that life is all about growth. However, growth does not always lead to change. Some growth creates the wisdom to stay where we are and how we are  because we see the value in what we have created. The key word here is wisdom.

In my experience, only when I quit trying to change, was lasting change really possible. In essence, I grew rather than changed. There is a big difference between these two things.

One of the first steps in my life-transition coaching, is to guide clients through a “deep dive” process into the 360 degree review I created and outlined in my film, Sacred Journey of the Heart. I came up with this process to help clients observe the clues all around them which always reflect the deeper meaning about why things are the way they are.  When we take the time to actually do this, vs stop trying to change the way things are, awareness and insight bursts through and from here, lasting change is possible.

The same 3 factors I described in my previous article are at work in untangling our work from our worth. http://sacredjourneyoftheheart.com/blog/?p=236

So what impels us to grow? I’ve heard the concept of “divine discontent”. This is the idea that it is our discontent that drives us to align with a deeper heart-space and a higher spiritual purpose. According to this idea, our shortcomings lead us to change. And the desire to change is driven by unhappiness, dissatisfaction and disconnect from something essential.

In my years of coaching and counseling, I’ve discovered that trying to change from a foundation of discontent, leads to more of the same. Why? Because we are trying to create something new, from a basis of the old. It would be like trying to plant a garden in a fallow patch of earth.

My suggestion is to allow yourself to be motivated to grow by accepting and understanding where you are now. If you feel out of sync with your work, you may want to explore my Clear Heart process.

Here are some signs of an entanglement with work and worth:

• Conflicts with people at work that are distracting and disruptive
• Getting annoyed with your boss and co-workers
• Feeling exhausted at the end of the day
• Believing that you are not in the right line of work
• Trying to convince yourself that you are working at a certain job because you have to
• Believing that your work reflects upon your worthiness

The question again is: Why do we do this and accept these conditions? The answer is the same as in my previous article. Many of us grew up believing that work and worthiness are inextricably woven together. And if we believe this on any level, we then think that we need to change our work in order to change our lives.

I presented a free webinar on The Clear Heart Program on 2-12. The replay of the event is available by request: ronna@modernmastery.com

Happy Heart Month!

Ronna