Interested in learning more on this topic? Join my 1 hour webinar – info below.
How often have you heard someone tell you, when contemplating what to do about an issue, to “just let it go”? Or have you found yourself saying, “I just have to let this go..” and then realizing later that the issue, person or thing is still there, lurking around the corner? Or even more obvious, you find yourself facing another situation just like the one you gotten out of! I’ve seen this with my clients and experienced it myself, in relationships, work related projects, issues of health like the recurring 10 pound weight loss and gain. This pattern reminds me of the French saying, “the more things change, the more they stay the same.”
After spending some time immersed in the pattern of “letting go” and having it crop up again, I finally got to the core of this issue that underpins a lot of repeating experience. And I call that getting to the core of the 5 W’s of Letting Go and Holding Dear. And these are not the journalistic – who, what, when, where and why questions! Those are just facts that fall into place after the foundational “W”s are solidified.
The Foundational 5 “W”s in the Art of Letting Go and the Act of Holding Dear
I am going to delve into each one of these during my webinar on 1-21, 2015 during which I will share with you the specifics of how to work with these 5 energies or states of being.
But before we get to that next week, I have listed below the 5 surefire ways of having something we want to let go of, happen again (i.e. what not to do) and 5 reliable ways to ensure that we expand upon the things that we hold dear to our hearts. It looks like a simple list, but it’s an empowering starting process to become more clear and conscious about what we are creating in 2015.
|How to ineffectively let go – i.e. bring it on again!||How to truly let it go – a new beginning:|
|Letting go without learning the lesson||What have I learned? How did I grow from this situation?|
|Letting go without realizing the gift||What is the gift In what happened? What happened for me, vs “to me”.|
|Letting go with blame, regret or shame||How did I contribute to this situation? Have I truly forgiven those involved?|
|Letting go with conditions||Am I holding onto conditions such as “I will let go only if I’m sure it won’t happen again.”|
|Letting go with the spiritual bypass (or cop-out) of “it’s all good”||Have I allowed myself to feel my true feelings around the situation – or have I stuffed and denied how I feel?|
About mid-way through 2014, I started using this new technique and tool for myself… and in doing so, I shifted out of some old patterns that continued to clear and in late December 2014, completely ended. I have never been so excited about a New Year as I am in January 2015!
I invite you to join me to create from a new platform in 2015!
Title: The Art of Letting Go
Time: Wednesday, January 21st at 5:00pm Mountain
Listening method: Phone + Web Simulcast
To attend, visit:
Phone Number: (425) 440-5100
Pin Code: 339751#
Are you ready for the holidays or are you like me, doing last minute shopping and meal planning? In the midst of last minute activities, it seems like I’m bombarded by “last chance” emails, ads and signs everywhere I look. Today, I’m pondering “last chances” – of which there really are very few in life, and “second chances” – what we gift to ourselves and others when make new choices.
When you think about it for a minute, there are truly very few things in life that are last chances…. But if we end up missing a last chance at something important, it can be really hard to let go of feelings of regret and move on… and in looking back, we can easily end up missing second chances that are right there in front of us now. In this article, I’ll share with you 3 ways to shift out of last chanc-ing.
The problem with last chance thinking and acting is twofold and it runs on a very powerful emotion-based program.
Here is the problem with last-chances: 1) they prey on our tendency toward impulsivity, bypassing the higher-brain processes of reason and logic and, 2) they pull at our heart-strings, typically in ways that deplete our energy… as in “I should do x, y, or z, or else….”
This is because “last chances” are tied into old wired-in emotional patterns of fear and regret. Fear and regret are very powerful because they keep us looking backward at the past and/or lock us into anxiety about the future never presenting us with an opportunity again.
When we dissect it this way, it’s easy to see how dysfunctional last chance thinking and acting really is!
Here is a personal example I just experienced. My younger brother, John, today is happy, well-adjusted, employed and in a committed relationship. Five years ago, he was homeless, alone and literally wandering in the desert in Arizona. I didn’t know if he was alive or dead. He had been missing for about 3 years. The last time I saw him was in 2007 when I left him at a rehab center for indigent people. He had spiraled into alcoholism after our mom died in 2002 and his wife left him. He had run out of “one last chances” with me as I had learned how to stop enabling his addiction.
A few years later in 2010, I was playing the Radical Forgiveness game called “Satori” that is featured in my film, Sacred Journey of the Heart. Satori is a board game created by Colin Tipping, that takes the players through all 5 steps of Radical Forgiveness that I depict in the film. Playing the game results in reframing issues to a new perspective that literally shifts reality in small and sometimes huge ways.
Each player “randomly” selects an issue from a stack of cards and plays the game around that particular issue. The card I picked for the game that day in 2010 was “Alcohol and Drugs have affected your life” and the context was Family. So obviously, I was being led to dive deep into Radical Forgiveness about my brother John’s alcoholism. It was one of the toughest games of Satori I ever played. Through the process, I was able to look at how I still blamed myself for not doing enough for him, not just through his addiction, but when we were growing up and I was trying to fill in for an absent dad and a stressed out mom who had gone to back to school to get her master’s degree after her divorce. I was able to shift into a new perspective about the events around his addiction and see what the experience did “for” me vs “to” me. It helped me untangle my lack of self-forgiveness and enter into deep forgiveness for my brother and through him, for myself.
Literally 10 days after I played the Satori game in August 2010, my brother was found in the desert, brought back to our hometown in the Midwest and entered into a very strict rehab program. All he had to his name was a change of clothes. He didn’t even have an ID card. Less than 10% of the people entering the rehab program complete it. My brother was one of the successful graduates.
Today, he is sober, he has rebuilt his life, he has a good job and he is living in a committed and happy relationship. It is a miracle that was built on radical forgiveness, his hard work, the support of many people and the second chance he received to start again.
The other day he called to ask me for a recipe of one of our mom’s favorite holiday breakfast casseroles. I told him it was in the 3-ring binder book that my mom gave to each one of us before she died. The book contained her favorite recipes, favorite poems and the original artwork and poetry she created as she was dying from brain cancer. It was a gift we all cherished because it contained so many fond memories and her expressions of love which came through her cooking, poetry and art.
John reminded me that he had lost the book of our mom’s precious gift. I said to myself, “Ah! That’s right! He had literally lost every single thing he owned from his past.”
Of course, I emailed him the recipe right away but in that moment, I knew what to give my brother this Christmas. One by one, I copied each page from the 3 ring binder book from our mother. The recipes are in black and white, the artwork and poetry are in color – about 250 pieces of paper and several hours of my time were spent in gratitude that my mom left us such an amazing gift. And in deep gratitude that my brother had not at all “lost” this part of his past: the legacy of love from our mom that I could give back to him.
I believe that there are always second chances for love. Radical Forgiveness opened my heart in 2010 and I got my brother back. And my brother is getting the gift from our mother back!
I’ve continued my exploration of emotions and the brain, the heart and the mind since 2010. I’ve discovered that doing the HeartMath program, Voyage to Heart Intelligence, activates the power of our hearts and creates many second chances for love and great moment-to-moment connections with the present moment.
And my latest discovery, Brain Tek’s brain wave entrainment program, caps it all off by unwiring stuck pathways in the brain that tend to resurface during stressful times. Brain Tek’s personalized sound therapies literally create new pathways in the brain that end worry, rumination, anxiety and procrastination.
I will be comparing all three programs next Monday, December 29th 2014 at 5 pm Mountain time. My primary focus will be Brain Tek – if you’ve missed my other free webinars, here’s your second chance to learn how to permanently change old patterns and give yourself the gift of living in the present!
For information on how to join the free webinar email: firstname.lastname@example.org
Permanent PeaceSee info at the end of this post for a free webinar, Thursday, December 4 at 6 pm Mountain Daylight Time
Do gratitude and peace go hand-in-hand or is it possible to experience one without the other?
This is the question I’m pondering as I get ready to prepare the Thanksgiving feast I will have with friends and family tomorrow.
My personal answer is that I believe we can feel and express gratitude and NOT feel peaceful inside – but by contrast, we CANNOT feel peaceful without feeling grateful at the same time. Make sense?
It should if you think about it. Here’s an example:
It’s easy to feel grateful for the things that we have in the moment – family, relationships, health, jobs, shelter, food, clean water and transportation to get to get to where we need to go. At the same time, it’s common for people to feel anxious about the future and losing any one of these things. In other words, it’s common to feel grateful for the present and to worry about the future. It’s also common to feel grateful about the present and to feel depressed about the past. When we live this way, gratitude can quickly wash away with the next wave to hit the shore.
BUT if you are truly at peace, deep peace, you are not sad about the past or worried about the future. In the present moment, the only moment we have, the backdrop of our experience is a feeling of gratitude for everything that has happened, and a knowingness that whatever the future brings, we can still choose to come from this inner place of peace.
In my film Sacred Journey of the Heart, I actually described this state of being grateful for the past and everything that happened to me, including a childhood of abuse. And I courageously ended the film saying that “my heart will lead the way”, to whatever the future had in store for me. But I really wasn’t at peace- not yet – because my brain actually did not know how to function this way!
Literally, my brain was hard-wired for hyper-vigilance, a state of being on guard for impending threats. My nervous system was locked in to a low grade anxiety that could spike to intense anxiety at a moment’s notice. My limbic system, the emotional part of our brain, was programmed for sadness that sometime tipped into low-grade depression. And a deep brain structure, called the cingulate gyrus, that is actually shaped like a loop, kept me wired into a pattern of rumination and worry about “what if….” And worst case scenarios – all so I could be prepared in case of danger.
As you undoubtedly know, this is in no way, connected to a state of inner peace. I was grateful, but I was not at peace.
If this sounds familiar, I can also tell you that there is a way out of this, and it is easy, relatively quick and it is lasting. The result is that state of being that I call Permanent Peace.
The problem is, you can’t get to Permanent Peace unless you can get at the underlying pattern that the brain defaults to in times of uncertainty and stress. For me, this is the Missing Link. It’s what I discovered in my 4 week Behavioral Relationship Entrainment program offered by Brain Tek, a cutting edge research group in California. I’m now certified to offer this to my clients which I’ve been doing for a few months with great results all the way around. Here is a typical comment after a client has been through the “un-wiring – re-wiring” brain/behavioral program:
“The Brain Tek program has been one of the most positive things I’ve done for myself. I am happier, more patient and less anxious. I’m more organized, and motivated and get more done in a day than I did in a week. I can’t thank Ronna enough for introducing me to Braintek.”
Katie J. LCSW
What is Permanent Peace?
I believe it’s an inner state grounded upon understanding, acceptance, and trust. For me personally, there is also a very prominent spiritual component to this that I practice in daily prayer and meditation. I am now able to consistently be in this deep inner place of peace, because my deep brain structures that reacted to past experiences are freed up. My higher cortical reasoning function, i.e. the frontal cortex of my brain, can now choose to be at peace, rather than run my response based on past patterns.
Permanent Peace includes:
- Freedom from anxiety, worry and rumination
- Alleviation of depression
- Elimination of fear (which I call “Familiar Energy Arising Repetitively”)
- Ability to enjoy the moment
- Staying focused on one’s core values and ethics
- Contributing to the betterment of other’s lives
- Equanimity in the face of the unknown
- Feeling connected to everyone and everything without identifying with it
In this state, gratitude is natural, it flows and it becomes the foundation for everyday life, not just a special day, a time of prayer or a response to something good happening. This is permanent peace, and it does surpass understanding. I do believe it is possible and I have experienced it in my life and seen it in the lives of others who dive in to the cause of anxiety, fear and depression – unwiring the deep brain structures so that our personal practices can direct the flow of our lives.
If you are interested in learning more, please join me on Thursday, December 4, 2014 at 6 pm Mountain time for more information about Brain Tek and the program that rewires your brain for Permanent Peace.
Title: BRE Program Presentation
Time: Thursday, December 4th at 6:00pm Mountain
Listening method: Phone + Web Simulcast
To attend, visit:
Phone Number: (425) 440-5100
Pin Code: 339751#
Happy Thanksgiving and many blessings,
Free Conference call to learn more about this topic: See end of article for info.
If you’ve ever felt that you are stuck in the “same-old, same-old” routine, it may be time to leap out of the rut and into something entirely new! I found myself in just that place in late Spring when certain things in my life and business had gotten stagnant and stuck. I felt sort of like this cow:
Knowing that I have a tendency “rock the boat” big-time and end up in deep water, I decided it was time to find an easier pathway to creating change without bringing on a perfect storm in my life! Read the rest of this entry
5 Heart Warming C’s: Curiosity, Circulation, Correlation, Coherence, Commitment
“It’s time to lift the spirit of depression of each one around us….to melt the ice in the heart of humanity”.
This is one of my favorite lines in Sacred Journey of the Heart film, spoken by Angaangaq Angakkorsuaq, nicknamed “Uncle”, a Greenland Eskimo-Kalaallit Elder and shaman. Uncle is a passionate advocate for indigenous and environmental issues that impact us all. At the heart of it all, according to Uncle, is a world-wide disconnect from our hearts and heart of earth itself. I concur.
As I’ve learned from the Institute of HeartMath, our heart is the key organ that regulates the synchronization of the body as a whole. If you haven’t seen the film, you will enjoy the evidence presented by Dr. Rollin McCraty, HeartMath’s lead scientist and Gregg Braden, NYT best-selling author and researcher that transforms our understanding about the power of the heart. They also provide astounding evidence that there IS a collective heart, and an undeniable connection between the human heart and the earth.
Graphic from Sacred Journey of the Heart© Read the rest of this entry
Have you ever had one of those days when things were just not working out? I had one of those days yesterday and rather than bore you with the details, I’ll just share what I did to get out of the pits and into the place of positive perspective. I call it L-A-U-G-H! And I share my “laugh resources” below. But first, did you know that on Tuesday, May 6, a new world laughter record was set by 1,950 elders in Dada Dadi park in Borivli, India? Here’s a great photo of the group in action!
We know that laughter can be the best medicine. Norman Cousins’ groundbreaking work on laughter changed the way we think about emotion and healing 38 years ago. Read the rest of this entry
Have you ever thought about how the 5 major initiatives resulting from the Earth Day movement have a correlation in your personal life and your interactions with others? As a result of the first Earth Day celebration on 4-22-1970, the Environmental Protection Agency was founded and the first three major Acts were passed: The Clean Air, Clean Water and Endangered Species Acts. A few decades later, towards the end of the 1990s, two additional major initiatives began: The Global Warming and the Clean Energy Initiatives.
It occurred to me that there is a very strong connection between our own personal interactions and the 5 acts and initiatives that have emerged over the 44 years of Earth Day celebrations. I’ll share these below and invite you to explore how they reflect on your personal contributions and interactions with people and the earth itself. The exciting thing is that this is not about soft, woo-woo concepts. The correlations I suggest below are based on scientific research and practical applications in our daily lives that can make a difference on a very large scale! Read the rest of this entry
3 easy steps!
We’ve all heard that speaking in public is the #1 fear reported in most surveys about fears and phobias. For most people, it ranks above fear of failure and fear of death. To me, fear of public speaking is an extension of a deeper issue: fear of speaking from the heart.
What if you had no fear of speaking from your heart, not just in public, but in your relationships, at work and even in those day to day interactions that contain small (or large) annoyances, like someone crowding in front of you in a line, being treated rudely by a store clerk or being ignored?
Have you ever had an experience in your life so challenging that your heart physically hurt? These are the occurrences in life that give rise to the term “heartache” or “broken hearted”. I’ve had a recent experience with this feeling which gives me the opportunity to dive deeper into my own heart and practice the process of using the power in my heart that I talk about all the time.
My heart hurt when I found out that someone I trusted and supported was attempting to blame me and my company for something that occurred in their own life. It was difficult to believe that this was happening because my mission is to continue to help people heal their own heart-hurts by teaching honoring and empowering ways of forgiving and stepping out of the victim role. So I was essentially facing a choice: do I curl up and give up OR do I stand up and keep on going with the mission and vision of Sacred Journey of the Heart?
Well, for me there really is only one choice. As CS Lewis said, “courage, dear heart.”
I discovered that when heartache is happening, there is a frequency disturbance that occurs in the whole body that actually looks like a chaotic, dissonant pattern. This is similar but different than HeartMath’s heart rate variability definition of coherence. HeartMath’s coherence is defined as “an optimal state in which the heart, mind and emotions are all aligned and in synch.” The definition of coherence goes on as: “Physiologically the immune, hormonal and nervous systems function in a state of energetic communication.” In this state, the autonomic nervous system is resonating at a perfect 0.1 Hertz frequency and one’s heart rate variability pattern looks like a smooth wave. I’ve written a lot about this in prior blogs. This is a state of balance that feels really good.
But what happens in our bodies when we encounter a major upset? Every cell of our body can resonate with a “Chaotic hertz” frequency. High levels of chaotic hertz will impact every major organ system and also activate old emotional patterns of destructive cellular memories that Dr. Bruce Lipton talked about in his pioneering book, “The Biology of Belief.”
What I’ve discovered recently, is that during a heartache time, it’s more difficult to get into and stay in this 0.1 hertz frequency of coherence. I’ve experienced this myself and talked about it extensively with my HeartMath and Radical Forgiveness coaching clients. But in perfect timing, I recently came across the work of Dr. Alex Loyd, creator of the Master Key and author of the bestselling book “The Healing Code”. I’ve learned from Dr. Loyd that there is a specific heart-healing frequency that has to do more with the heart itself, vs the heart as it regulates the central nervous system. The specific frequency that Dr. Loyd uses in his technology is 528Hz, which equates to “e” or “mi” on the Gregorian 6 tone musical scale. This is certainly not new information but it came back to my attention at a very important time, just when I needed it!
Here’s an artistic depiction from Dr. Loyd, of what this chaotic hertz might look like:
Courtesy of Dr. Alex Loyd
And here, interestingly enough, is an actual readout from HeartMath’s emWave2 device , which measures physiological heart rate variability:
Pretty interesting connection, isn’t it?
Also, from HeartMath and in from hundreds of my own similar sessions on the emWave2, is the pattern of physiological coherence when we are feeling appreciation and gratitude:
I am so very grateful to have encountered Dr. Loyd’s work, thanks to Doug Parks a wonderful man who is a “people connector”. Doug connected me with Dr. Bruce Lipton who I interviewed in last September’s telesummuit, “The Science and Art of Opening Your Heart”. And thanks to Doug again, I’ve connected with Dr. Loyd who will be one of my special guests for the next telesummit, “The Science and Art of Healing Your Heart.” Dr. Loyd has graciously agreed to share his latest discoveries on heart healing and the frequency of Love, or 528 Hertz as part of June telesummit. (See below for more information about my guests and the broadcast dates!)
I have been a long-time fan of binaural tone technology and in fact, I’m listening to the Monroe Institute audio as write this article. The Monroe Institute pioneered the field of binarul beat research and created “Hemi-Synch”, a wonderful technology for regulating the body. Dr. Loyd, in my opinion, takes this technology even further as he incorporates the 528 Hertz musical tone into his audios and videos for amazing heart-healing. I’ve been using his system for just two weeks, and while I still experience some intense emotions about what I’ve experienced, I can say the my heart is no longer hurting. I attribute this to incorporating the Heart- Hertz frequency into my other daily practices of my own Heart Shift meditation*, using my HeartMath emWave and doing lots of radical forgiveness worksheets!
*My new gift to you will be online soon: a 20 minute guided meditation to shift your heart from guarded and defended, to open and free!
So I invite you all to share your own heart-healing experiences and to set the stage for the upcoming telesummit, The Science and Art of Healing Your Heart.